I've taken off work for the third time to take her to see her therapist. I'm expecting again to wait in the lobby patiently . To my surprise, when the therapist, Dr. D., introduces himself, he asks me to come in for the session.  This is just an evaluation, he's not going to make any recommendations today.
I sit during the session and mostly agree to the points April knows are causing problems. April is expecting Dr. D. to tell me that I am wrong about everything, I need to change and she's a perfectly normal woman with minor emotional baggage and everybody's got some luggage.

He asks me a few questions. One in particular I answered that "She wants me to entertain her. when she's not working and I am at work." Which she was mildly offended by. I clarified, while I don't recall exactly what I said, from my perspective when someone calls you on the phone and expects you to come up with things to talk about, "entertaining" is an appropriate use of the word. Cutesy "I just wanted to hear your voice" conversations don't last a half hour or more. She seemed to gloss over this and we moved on to my most loathed subject, my co-worker, Kristin.

Dr. D is great. He's very down to earth, he's caring and as I was warned by April, he tells it like it is. He uses a few examples from his own life and relationship and co-workers and the phrase "I didn't want to fuck her". That's the first person who earned a doctorate I've ever met that used the word "fuck" in a normal level headed conversation.

But that's not the best part.
He's going through her issues, April chimes in that I think it might be something. I  quickly state that I have no credentials or experience, but from everything I've read and seen, I think she has Borderline Personality Disorder.
Dr. D. says that he's considered that, but BPD sufferers have a shitload of failed miserable relationships in their wake.
At this point, I realize that going with the flow isn't helping anyone, but it is wasting money. I remind April that while she did discuss her "first", her ex, myself and Dick, one of the guys she cheated on me with, she left out John and Steve, bringing the number to six. I left out Harry because I knew we were running low on time  so that one would have to wait, the total number I'm aware of is seven. May not be a shitload, but a sizeable number.
He agrees on BPD as a secondary diagnosis to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We say good bye, all seems well for now. 

I get up for work, she wishes me happy birthday.

I go to work, everything seems good. She sends me a text message

Happy Birthday!

CB 404 555-1212
Mar 1, 7:20 A.M.

between my part time and full time job. I call her on my way to my full time job, something's changed, her mood is pretty lousy. I talk to her to try to snap her out of it. She needs to get back to work, I let her go.

Then she starts chatting with me, she brings up the entertaining comment from the day earlier in therapy.

Then she brings up how I like to work on stuff and that I'd work on stuff all day in the garage if she'd let me, because yesterday after she went back to work,  I finished a project that was half done and it took that time plus another hour after she got home.

Then the shit really hits the fan. Appearantly, since it's my birthday, I'm supposed to ask her to go to lunch with me. But that's not the real problem. She feels that I'd rather go to work and spend time with my co-workers on my birthday than her. Which isn't the case at all, it's just that my birthday fallls in the middle of the week, I don't like to take days off in the middle of the week if I don't have to and I took the day before off to go to counsiling as my b-day.  Finally, she goes back to work.

Peace and quiet, but not for long.

She calls me during a slow spot at work, tells me that I have to leave and be home by the time she gets home or she's going to call my boss and get me fired. We argue back and forth, I give in. I have to bail on work and hour and a half early without authorization.

I leave, about halfway home, she starts in on me again, same shit. She says she's going out for a drive to cool off. I say good, she needs to cool off. I'll be home when she gets done. Then she starts in again. We fight over the phone until about a mile from the house, I tell her "this is the worst birthday ever, I got laid off on my birthday once, and you just topped it." she hangs up on me.

I'm furious, she's not home. I put the trailer on the car, load the motorcycle. It took longer than normal, the tires were flat since it's still winter and it hasn't been ridden since October. I'm about to put the straps on it, she pulls in the driveway.

She claims that she's just having a bad day and  she loves me, she got a cake, she was on her way to get a pizza from one of my favorite places. I tell her I'll wait for her to get back, she says "No, get in the car, you're not leaving".

I get in the car, she's driving like a bat out of hell. Madison is in the back seat, she's upset. I feel quite a bit safer in the car with Madison than without, because I know that April would never hurt Madison. Me in the car alone with her is a different story. I keep thinking how it would be poetic if I had gotten far enough away not to be followed.

So we get back, have dinner, stare at the cake. It was pretty rough for the rest of the night. Madison asked to have a slice, she is only 7, I cut a slice for her. I compliment the cake, how "Mommy picked a good one", the comment goes unnoticed.

I really don't remember what else went on that night. 

I said I never expected to get this promotion.

Now I've gotten confirmation that I'm not getting it. I can accept that. Who got it doesn't matter, that was a surprise though.

None the less, the reason surprised me in a way and not. April's behavior was the main reason. There were two minor points in my work history, a project that I let out "in the wild" too soon and one that's simply a thorn in my side and has been for years. If it wasn't for the main reason, I'd be getting an office with walls! And a door! And more money! and control over the hours I work! Oh well. I don't know how I can tell April this. I'm just going to tell her I didn't get it. 

Happy Belated Birthday.

I banned our home computers from submitting forms over the internet to my work. But what I didn't know, the ban I used was only good for 72 hours.  I told April this, to deter her from trying, but the dumb bitch is persistent.

So she submits a trouble-ticket with the title 'Baby', in the main part of the message she types 'I want you so bad. Meet me in your jeep' and then enters my email address as where it came from! She did this right after I left work, so there was little I could do, and even if I was there, I probably wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. On top of that, she did it twice.

When I demanded to know why, she said she did it because I said she couldn't.

I hate my life.

The following day I get in trouble for it at work. 

Having realized that not much is going to come from just sitting there agreeing to everything she says in therapy, I decided that today is "all in" day. I've got my cards, I've got my chips, one hand makes me a big winner or flat broke.

I'm quick yet slightly reserved in bringing up other events that have happened that were no picnic.

She says that her behavior has only been happening since she was sexually assulted, I bring up how there have been many similar happenings since the begining of the relationship, the woman at the bar on her birthday the first year, smashing glasses when I said she shouldn't buy a car, how she acted when Jill died. All of these were before the sexual assault. I also brought up how great my birthday was, which Dr. D. said it's up to me how to spend my birthday and I did take the day prior off with her.

I also threw in how due to her behavior with Kristin, I lost a promotion that I had been working towards for seven years. I figured now was the best time if there was any time to tell her.

She started how I must be screwing her on the side. I stated that it's strictly professional, like I always do. She says that if Kristin always needs to come to me, she doesn't know her job and needs to be fired. I reply back that occasionally, she needs to ask for information she doesn't have access to. April says that she should have access to that info. I say sometimes she needs to escalate a problem or problem customer to me, because that's why I make nearly twice as much as she does. Whoa Nelly! Somebody pissed on the fire. She threw a tirade. She got tense, crossed her arms, started yelling at the top of her lungs. She yelled "why do you always defend her?". Dr. D. interjected "do you defend her?" I replied I was stating fact and that how much money Kristin makes compaired to myself is an educated guess.

Dr. D. interrupted, asking "Did you bring Chuck in here to show me how you fight with him?".

He seemed very unenthusiastic as far as if he could help her at this point and I beleive he ended the session a few minutes early. Poor guy. April's bad side doesn't usually come out in public. 

She's still upset, she's driving home, she's cursing me.

She says "maybe we should break up". I agree. I don't care, I've tried, I've failed. I've lost so much already.

In trying to calm her down so she can function like a normal human being everything got sorted out and it's smooth sailing for a bit. I think she may have popped several of her anti-anxiety medication as well.

Either way she goes back in two weeks, hopefully without me, I never want to go through that again.

Her
Me
so where yu outside yet?
no
you didn't have a cig since 800 am thats hard to believe
no, if I do, you get mad.
what go out to smoke?
yes, you got mad the alst time I did that, so I don't any more.
...
so I'm now allowed to smoke again?
i never said you couldn't
thank you honey.
i said you couldn't do thing with her
I don't do anythin gwith her.
thats whta i said i do not know where ou came up with that
ok, I must have misunderstood.

Sounds to me like I'm allowed to smoke again.