April's on the phone with me on my way home. She's fighting with me about what she needs and what I can't do. She asks me if I'm just leaving the parking garage, which I take as incinuating that I've been dicking around at work, since I normally would have left half an hour ago. I tell her no, I'm on the highway. She asks if I want her to make me dinner. Well duh, you're making dinner for the kids, why wouldn't I want you to make dinner for me? She says "Your dinner is on the table." Well that's nice, I'm half an hour away, my dinner's on the table. She goes on "You didnt' tell me I love you today." I remind her that I did, several times, on voicemail, four text messages, on IM, twice.

She says that the voicemail doesn't count, she was sleeping and she didn't get the IM ones because she walked away from the computer, she was doing laundry. I say "you didn't tell me either." Which was a slight exageration, she did tell me once in a text message. 

Finally, I say "I think we need to break up." She says "is that what you want?" I say "yes. We don't get along, all we do is fight, the only thing we have in common is sex."

She says "well it that's what you want."

I don't beleive it, no crying, no suicide threats, no nothing. She asks "can we at least stay together until after the holiday for the kids?" I say "if that's what you want.".

I ask "can we be civil about this?" She's only directly threatened my job three times and said she would do so about a dozen more. She says yes.

Boy I feel so much better. The crushing weight has been lifted. She says "my mom is on the other line, I gotta go. Love you". My reflex response "Love you. Bye."

I get home, reheat my dinner.

She's understandably unhappy. I'm eating. She says "you do realize you're going to break Madison's heart, don't you?"
I say "I know, but we don't get along, you can't stay together for the kids, it doesn't work."

April says "so you're just going to throw five years away." My retort "you left Doug, you were together for 12 years."
She shoots back "he was controlling."
I think "so are you." But I say, "we don't get along."
She says "so you're not going to give therapy a chance? I've only gone three times."

Madison comes out of her room. I don't know if she could sense something was wrong or if it's just a coincidence.

I ask her if she did anything to my food, she did put ExLax in my food once before. 

April has her head in her hands. I finish eating, clean my plate. I tell April that I'm going to get changed, hoping that she'll ge tthe message to come back and talk to me in private.

She doesn't come back. I start sending her a text message, trying to be discrete.  Before I finish, she comes in the room asks what I'm doing. The kids follow. I say "I'm getting changed, why don't you guys go in the living room?". They leave.

She says "So that's it. Why?" and starts to cry.
I say "I can't have you thinking that I'm screwing around on you all the time." I give her a hug.  I think to myself "Why can't I just leave?" I say "we can give it one more shot, but I can't handle being accused of cheating."

She stops crying as I kiss her and say "I love you." I want out, but I'm so afraid that she'll do something stupid that will scar her children forever, that I get wrapped up in it again.

I get changed, we go to the mall so Aaron can get a hair cut. My stomach feels really weird, I feel so hungry.

We climb in bed, I'm holding her. My stomach feels like I didn't eat for two days. 

It was three hours ago that I told her I give up, I want to break up, we can't do this any more. You would think that would put any desire to start something far to the back of her mind, wouldn't it?
No!
She's going at me again. I don't remember what exactly she was digging at me with, I really was trying to sleep.

She gets up, goes to the kitchen. She comes back "I tried to slit my wrists."

Oh great, not this shit again. I ignore her. I'm sorry, I can't do this.

After about half an hour, I say "That's it, I'm sleeping on the couch." I get up, she rushes across the bed, grabs my left pec hard. "You're staying here!". She says "what do you want to do?"

I say "I want to go to sleep, go to work, come home and have a good weekend."

Finally, she lets me sleep, I look at the clock, I  have five hours of sleep if I can fall asleep right now, my gut really hurts. My knees and back hurt too.

The alarm has been going off for a while, I hit the snooze button.  My stomach really feels weird. I get up, take a few Tums, drink a glass of iced tea and go back to bed for a few more minutes.

April gets up goes to the bathroom. I figure, I may as well get up, get ready for work. As I crawl out of bed, it hits me, I can't make it to the bathroom fast enough as the most violent gyeser of puke spews all over the comode, the bathtub and floor. Oh god that hurt!

And again.

And again.

I asked April to call my part time job and tell them I won't be in as I clean up the mess.

But miraculously, I feel so much better. My gut doesn't hurt anymore. Picking up regurgitated onions on the otherhand still is disgusting.

I go back to bed, set the alarm for an hour and hope that I can make it to my part time job. Even though she doesn't think so, we really need the money. I wonder if she did try to poison me? Well I was sick a few days ago, so I hope that's it.

Even though I was puking my guts out five hours ago I got up and went to work. I had to call my boss to tell him I was going to be late, I was supposed to be there four minutes ago.

I grab a granola bar and a container of iced tea. I wonder if I can eat this or if it will make me throw up again?

Well I've been at work for a little over four hours now, I've gone to take a shit at least five times. My stomach is starting to feel like it did yesterday.

Could she have poisoned me? I feel so tired, I hope I'm just sick. I think I'm going to go home early, at least if I throw up there or spend an hour in the bathroom it won't look bad to my boss.

Then I can go to bed. 

I don't know if this is going to help or possibly make a bad situation worse.

I bought her a punching bag. It's hung, it's up, I got her bag gloves too. 

I don't think she poisoned me. Because if she did, she got some of the poison mixed up. She's throwing up right now.

She just came out of the bathroom. Yup, she's sick. That sucks. Oh well, off to bed, I hope she's better in the morning. 

She told me that last night she forced herself to throw up, she wasn't sick.

Jesus Christ woman! you've got enough problems, you don't need to add bulemia to the list.

I told her not to do that. Man, I wish I had a time machine to tell myself how deep the shit I was about to step in five years ago is. 

Easter dinner's over. I didn't have too bad a time with her family. A little boring, but what can you do.

I ate way too much. She ate way too much. We're both stuffed to the gills. I think it's a good idea to try and work some of this off.

So we take turns at the heavy bag, she goes for a minute, I go for a minute, she goes, I go.

About the third or fourth round, Pop, pop POP! I beat the stuffing out of the bag.  That's not right, the stuffing is hanging out. There's a hole you could stick your head through, if all the stuffing wasn't there, in the canvas.

Ok, take it down, put it in the box, we've had it for a hole 30 some odd hours. I think it's still under warranty.

April is taking the punching bag back to the sporting goods store for an exchange.

While she's doing that, I run out to Wal-mart to buy a picture hanger, one of the photo frames little hook jobbie came off, the thing to replace it is cheap enough and less hassle than putting the picture in a new frame.

I get it. While I'm on my way back to the office, April calls me. We talk, well, mostly she talks to people in other cars and to Madison. I listen. I tell her I'm back in the building and I'm stopping to take a piss and I'll talk to her later.

She says "don't forget to wash your hands and face." I hate this more than anything, I'm not cheating on her! Why the fuck can't she get it through her head! Stupid woman! She bitches cause I spend too much time at work then she accuses me of cheating when I take lunch somewhere other than my desk.

I can't win.