I finished my day at the loading docks, I hop in the car to grab a cup of coffee. The phone rings, "restricted" is the number. Who the hell would be calling me at quarter to seven on my cell phone from a restricted number? I have one idea, but I'm not sure, so I let it go to voice mail. I buy coffee hop back in the car, and listen to it. In a poorly disguised, very raspy voice, it's April, "You mess with my girlfriend again, there's gonna be trouble..." Yeah, that's real mature, it's not even funny. I forward the message to her voicemail, as a "I know exactly who this is" comeback. Ok, I'm not very mature either, but I didn't start it.

As I'm driving home, I'm thinking about all the stuff we have to do today. We need to get mulch again.  Even though the last place we got it from is closer, there's another place about two miles down the road that's $6 cheaper. It's worth the extra time to get it, I mean, if it takes a half hour instead of fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes is worth $6 in my book. Especially since I'm so in debt already. And we need to get stuff at the bulk-warehouse style store and Wal*Mart, so if you drive it as one big circle, it's now like five minutes more instead of 15.

But there's one small problem. Last time I got mulch, some of it was rolling off the back of the trailer, it needs a make shift tailgate. The quick and easy solution, take a piece of 1X6 I have kicking around, cut it to length and the mulch will hold it in place.

I get home, walk through the house, April's in the shower, out to the shed, cut the wood to length. Hook the trailer up to the car and throw all the miscleanious crap (plastic sheeting, tie downs) in the trunk. I then walk back in the house. April's getting dressed, she's putting on a fairly nice pair of jeans and a dressy shirt. Ok, I guess the sex we had planned the night before is out. Fine with me. Although I really wanted to take a nap, I only got four hours of sleep last night.

I ask her what we're doing today. She's pissed off, basically ignores me. I ask her "are we getting mulch?". She says "no."  After a few more minutes of trying to talk to her, I give up, go out and smoke a cigarette. She comes out, says "I'll be back later." She leaves.

I say to myself "you may be back later, but I won't." I finish my cigarette, go downstairs to collect my clock. It's old, so I'm being very careful. She comes back in, I can hear her upstairs. Shit. I slowly put the clock back on the wall, that's the last thing I need is to drop it.

Trying to think of a good reason why I'd be in the basement, I walk over to the punching bag and take the bag gloves. If she comes down, I'll just say that I was going to releive my frustration. I hope she leaves again. I can't take this shit any longer. 

I realized that I must not have closed the basement door all the way, it popped open about an inch when she came back in.

I crept up the stairs to close it. April must have seen that too. About the second from the top step, she rips open the door and starts yelling at me. "You promised you'd fuck me this morning." I said "that was before you left that screwy assed message on my voicemail." "And I was going to look past that, before you acted all pissed off when I came home." She shoots back "That's because you had no intention, I saw the stuff on the counter when I woke up. I knew." I reply "it wasn't there when you got up, it was in my trunk then. I put it on the counter when I got home. I needed to make a tailgate so the mulch wouldn't fall out when we got it. It took a whole five minutes " She insists it could have waited. Which is true, but it's nothing to get upset about. I say "yes, but last week you wanted the mulch as soon as you got up. so I was trying to make that happen."

She smacked me upside the head. Yelling about how I don't care about her. Then she runs into the kitchen grabs a steak knife and starts jabbing herself in the chest. I tell her to "knock it off you psycho". I can't deal with this shit. I take the knife from her, hold her with one arm while I grab the phone. She begs for me not to call the police. I just can't deal with this, if I leave, she'll do something stupid, if I don't, she'll drive me insane. She already is. I'm evaluating the situation, she's been jabbing herself with a knife, if I call the cops, can she tell them I was doing it? She's right handed, consequently, she was psuedo stabbing herself in the left pectoral muscle, I'm right handed, if I were looking at this from a logical standpoint, and I was going to stab her, we'd probably be squared off at the shoulders, I'd get her in the left pec close to center. But if I was going to stab her, it would be much more than a scratch. Can I take this chance? My life is fucked up enough, I don't need to spend more time in jail. So I cave to her demands. Fucking crazy bitch.

I carry her back to the bedroom, strip her naked and fuck her. I hate my life. I hate myself. I feel bad for her. I love the kids. I can't let her hurt them as a secondary result of her crazy shit. I don't know what to do any more.

We're driving to the bulk warehouse store before getting the mulch, we're talking about one of our daughter's friend's parents who are in the process of getting divorced. She left him, we ran into him at the bank. He bought a nice custom bike, lost a bunch of weight and sold "her" truck. He's on his second "April", different than my April. His second April told him she just wants a "fuck buddy" in his words. His first April's new boyfriend is a hot head, we've been told he smashed out her windsheild twice.

April looks me square in the eye, as square as possible since I was driving, and and asks "Should I call him and ask him for a date?"

As desperately as I want to say "hell yes!" I tell her "NO."

Then she asks "If you had it to do all over again, you and me, would you still have gone out with me?". She really is trying to corner me into something. I say "of course".

April tried to convince me that she never cheated on me. I told her "don't even try that one." She went on to tell me how she was coerced into getting drunk and going too far.

Um, yeah right. What the guy who sexually assaulted her did was forced, the others, I don't buy it. 

It's Malcolm's Birthday, it's also Mothers' Day.

April kinda went all-out for Malcolm's birthday, as she always does. Yesterday, she took him shopping for several hours, spent a good $200 on him. She went to a specific store just to find a boys "16th Birthday" card. I can understand, he's 16, it's a big deal.

Malcolm got up about an hour and a half after we did. Before he got up, we discovered the baloons I bought the day before deflated. So I went to get more. I should have asked if they would last until the next day, but I didn't. I took Maddy with me. When I came back, Malcolm was up. April was upset. Malcolm was indifferent. I asked what was wrong. She said "ungrateful kid asked to get a biscuit at McDonald's, like I'm made out of money or something!". So I just wished her a happy Mother's day and figured I'd let her cool off.

Malcolm went downstairs, ignoring the card and ballon and after 15 minutes or so, she says "you would never treat your mom like that." Which I agreed. I was raised differently too, but this is the wrong time to bring up that little fire-starter. Another five minutes or so, she says "I feel like ripping up his card". I say " that's not very nice."

Several more minutes pass, she gets up, goes directly to the card, tears it to shreds. Then grabs a knife from the drawer sticks it in one of the two remaining mylar ballons. I think to myself, there goes $2. I've run out of ideas with this woman. It's like a tornado, I can stand back and watch. Trying to do anything will only make it bad for me.

An hour or so later, Aaron was now home, he mowed the grass. He did a half-assed job. So I take the push mower out, mow around the perimeter. April's on the phone with her mom I think, so I didn't do the area where it would interfere with the phone call.

I take out the dirt bike, I'm determined to get her to try it one more time. I put the throttle limiting screw in the whole way, ride it around a bit. It barely and I mean barely goes, so I back it out, try again. Then I get Maddy to hop on it, I push her around the yard with the engine off.

April's off the phone, she's in the house. She comes out asks me if you can sell the dirt bike without a title. I grudgingly tell her probably. Then she starts bitching at the kids how they don't appreciate her, they don't appreciate the things she's given them. They didn't even wish her a happy Mother's Day. Maddy did give her a balloon I bought and a card, I guess that doesn't count.

So I tell Maddy to wish her mom a happy mother's day. Aaron refuses. Little shit, why can't he see this is one thing he should have done? Oh well. I put the stand down on the bike and go up and talk to her, she's in tears. I convince her to go for a walk.

After a while, I tell her that Mom told me she sold grandma's house. Her reply "Finally, she'll stop bitching about money." Which I find odd, because April only talks to my Mom when she wants me to do something, or wants to tattle on me. Well, I never did tell her that Mom would like at least my help in moving Grandma's stuff out.

So we get back, sit on the back porch for a while. I ask "what would you like to do?", she says she doesn't know, then asks me the same. Her guess work in the shed. I say yes. She says "go ahead" and not in the "I dare you to" sense, like she actually means it. So I do. April says she's got to go to the store, she'll be back.

When she returns, she shows me another birthday card she picked up for Malcolm. So I guess she forgave him for not being appreciative of the card and balloons. I wish it was that easy for me to get forgiveness. 

I got up like I normally do, got dressed, grabbed a protien bar because I didn't have time to eat breakfast. Walked out the door "Fuck, the minivan's gone!"

Ah great. I knew it was coming, sooner or later, he was going to catch up to me. Not that I've been trying to hide it or anything but shit.

So I eat my protein bar and scream in my car "FUCK!".

I sent her a text message:

Van repo?
Love you

Seriously, what else can I do? I've tried many many times to work extra hours. I can't blame her for every time that I didn't work those extra hours, but far too many have been because she insisted that I stay with her and (drum roll please) sleep.

Fuck. Shit.

(09:28:17) April: are you able to talk for a minute?
me: sure, what's on your mind?
so did you hear anyting from them?
got a message on my work phone from yesterday, so I assume that's what happened.
but they didn't say wha
i wonderwhy they didn't cal here
don't know.
bastards.

Aside from the fact that they really shouldn't have given me the loan, I can't fault them. I just felt like calling them bastards for sticking me with predatory lending bullshit. 

they called here 3 times but no  messsage
its on the id
of course.
...
we always get fuck over

This one was "our" fault, we didn't get fucked over. 

...
so what are you gnna do about the stupid mini van just let it go or call
let it go, cancel the ins.
i am sorry honey
it's ok.

It's not ok, but not much I can do about it right now. 

i feel like its all my fault

Hmm, it is. I didn't want the damn thing, I protested all the way to the dealership, then I rolled over and played dead so you didn't make a scene. And I'M THE ONE TAKING IT IN THE ASS! 

at least I can park my car in the driveway.
and we don't have to do musical cars when it comes to oil changes.

I really hate myself here. I do. Gotta find the silver lining. If I don't I'll go insane like her. 

but if i would ave done some ofthe bils it may not happened, but anyways to late now

Or got a job, or not bought TWO cars you didn't need, or a diamond ring I told you not to buy, or forced me to buy, not one but two engagement rings we couldn't afford, or bled me dry so I couldn't get my car inspected or a bunch of other shit. 

at least we didnt' spend a bunch of money to get it inspected.

I hate you you bastard. There is no fucking silver lining to this one, you're fucked! 

we will just tell people we sold it
it's ok.
yup.
do the kids know?
what did you tell them?
your licesnce plate will be handed in to the state, and whatever was in the box
i am not sure
what box?
i think i said good they got it

Good for you? Cause it ain't good for me. 

tat doesn't mean anything i could have meant we sold it
club
glub
glove box.
ok.
where the ins papers are
I don't know what was in it, not much.
there wasn't anything important in there anyways
just ins card reg card
right, is Maddy's car seat in there?
or is it in your car?
cell phone charger that doesnt work
no in my car
ok, good.
so they ae the ones who are getting fucked with all the problem
yeah, wish I would have known, I would have dropped a few marbles in the oil filler cap.
had some good ball bearings that would have worked too.

Not really, just trying to get some rhetorical revenge. 

plus you opened the dor the musid doesn';t go off so hopeflly they won;'t notice and the battery will go dead
I'm sure they towed it.
were there drag marks in the driveway?
which way was it facing?

I watched "The Reposessors" too many times. 

yeah buy they still need four way lights on
pulled in
yes
so the front was towards the house?
yes
and there were drag marks in the driveway?
yes
white marks
ok, they repoed it, for sure.
not much but some
i know
i am surprised we did not hear it
because since the drive wheels were in front, they had to pull it that way, if the drive wheels were towards the street, there probably would not be drag marks, because we never set the e-brake on the POS.
me too.
oh well fuck wells fargo
i always put the e brake on
on the floor?
the kids were playing in there on sunday
yes
i drove it around the block
doesn't matter, the e-brake wheels would have been lifted by the truck.
ok
well its over now we have more money for bills
finally get caught up

Because letting your boyfriend ruin his credit is so much easier than getting a job. 

right.
i think we are good on everything anyways
things should n't be late
your ins will drop

Shit, she can see a silver lining too. Too bad it's paid for in gold. 

right.
no moe full coverage
...
it woudl drop my premium by $398/6 mo
$142 for till july.
ok
talk to you later
ok, love you.
bye
have a good nap.
(10:06:07) yup

She calls. I can't answer it, so I send her a text message to IM me. She replies:

Locked ot

CB: 978 555-1212
13:08 p.m.

I assume that means she locked herself out. I go outside and call her. She locked herself out. She thought the keys were in her coat pocket and they're not. She tried the front and back door and basement windows. She asks me if she should break the glass. I say "if you can help it, don't do that." While she's on the phone with me, she says that she can walk to work, she can make it there in time.. I say "Ok, it's only a mile and a half. That shouldn't be so bad." She shouts back "It's a mile and a half! I'm dehydrated and I don't have any money to buy something to drink! I don't have my license, I can't work. My boss won't let me drive without a license." I ask if there's any tools around that could get her in the house. No. Open windows? (because screens are cheaper than glass) No. Call a lock smith? No time. I can't make it there in time, it takes me at least 45 minutes to get there and she only has 1/2 an hour before she needs to be at work. She can't be late.

Ok, I offer her the following solution, Aaron has a key at school, call her boss, who's offered in the past to pick her up if needed. To get a ride to the school and get the key, then go back to the house, get her purse which has her license and she'll be good to go. She says "I'll kick the door down". I try to discourage her from doing this. I hear kicking in the background and then she hangs up on me.

I have a solution! Woohoo! Call her back. Voicemail, maybe she's trying to call me. Hang up, wait. Nothing. Call her again, no answer. So I send her a text message:

I have a solution call your boss get a ride to work i will bring your purse to you before you start your work Txt me back

13:24

 Several minutes later, I get a reply.

 D mn n t w o r r wx a a o u t i t

13:33

 I assume that means "don't worry about it". She probably kicked the door in, there goes $200. Great. Oh well. I reply:

Ok
Loue You

13:38

Then I get: 

Doug getting kids

13:38

Ok, so she didn't get the door open, she walked to work and their dad is picking up the kids. Problem solved.  No, later I get:

Thanks for being concerned walking home

14:50

What? She said "don't worry about it"? What the hell. That's ok, there's still time. I can tell my boss that somebody stole my minivan. That should buy me an afternoon. I send back:

You said dont worry about it what do you need me to do?

14:52

So right now, I'm confused and I'm at work. She obviously got to work on time. She didn't get the door open. So she must not have her license. It's only a mile and a half, no big deal to walk. She drags me out every night to walk that far anyway. I'd much rather run. Which is probably going to be a good idea, so I can stay far enough away from her.