Tonight we're supposed to go to therapy, we're having a normal conversation, she asks: 

(14:48:39) April: so which way are you going to Dr. D?
(14:48:48) Me: same as last time
and?

And what? What kind of a question is "and?". 

I'll meet you there?
you want to grab a very quick dinner first?

She ignores this line completely, it's not any fun. 

how are you getting there by the directions
i can leavewhenever i am fre right now and Malcolm's dad is picking him up at 430
(Street directions omitted), up the big windy hill, park car, get out, up the stairs, through two doors to the waiting room ;;)))
ok forget eating
where do you want to go?
since you have no idea
just meet you whenever you get ther
ok, are you mad at me?
hello?
here\
ok
no i do not need to eat anyways
so i guess it takes you hour and half to get there thats fine
what are you mad about?
all i ask if there was time to catch a bite bite but you said you will just meet me there so fine
so you baited me into saying the wrong thing?
no i ddid not read what you wrote you ask first
at 249
do you want to catch something quick to eat
I know what I wrote, you asked me which way I was going, and I said "same as last time" and you said "and" (an open ended question that implies nothing) which I replied.
that sounds like a fabulous idea
since you know the area better than me, unless you want to eat at Tom's what do you suggest?
i was wondering so i could figure things out but you said yo go 30 to 83 then queen st then up windy hill
and if you read the whole thing, you can see it was a joke, because I described getting from H-burg pike all the way to the lobby
yeah so you trying to be funny just tld me to forget it
no, me trying to make a joke is me trying to make a joke, they can't all be gems.
when are at all?
when are at all?
just forget it
so where am I to meet you at?
at Dr. D
for one i haveno idea the time which you will be where so a little hard to meet
no i do not expect yu to leave early
where do you want to meet to eat?
i said i have no idea becasue of the time
ok
you have time you can grab omething
thanks sweetie
i will make sure i am there right at 630
ok, is something wrong?
no i am trying to be nice but always kicks me in the ass

so what you're saying is "I don't want to have dinner with Chuck, but I feel like giving him a guilt trip, so I'm going to ask him a question that I know he will answer incorrectly and make him feel bad"

do you want to eat dinner with me or not?
no you just worry about yourself
actually i will let you go and see you at 630
bye, love you
are you going to tell me what you're mad about?
Chuck you know what i wanted and you can see right through so i said just forget it i am no mind reader
I'm not either.
i just thought it would be nice but you decided to make things complicated
I do not feel I made things complicated
all i ask is how your coming home so i could figure if there was time for it but you had that wondrful joke so i said ok i will see you at 630 and you can get on your own this is the first time i have spare time on me but its ok
i have no idea how long it took you last time

Why is it so hard to say "where do you want to eat" instead of "and", because you know how I think and how I'll respond, you just do this shit to get mad at me, you must fucking enjoy it.

I'm sorry I'm not telepathic
me neither, but I'm sure I could squeeze in 15 minutes to eat.
did i say you where
so it willtake you hour and half you saying to get there from work
I don't think so
well i do not eel like fighting so i am going to drop it and i will see you there
ok, love you

No "love you" no "get fucked" no nothing, just disconnected. What the hell. 

I'm driving to meet her at therapy. She calls to ask me where I am. I tell her she says "it took you 40 minutes to get there?" Jesus Christ, do we have to do through this every day? I think.

I don't remember what was said, I wish I did. She got upset and started crying and I wanted to throw in the towel, I can't take this shit any more, we hang up.

I get to the parking lot, she's crying. I go over, talk to her. I sit in the car, she won't talk to me. After about five minutes, she says that she wanted to spend time with me and I do not feel the same. I said I do, and I want to know why she feels that way. Because I didn't want to have dinner with her, she says, I said I did, and we'd have had plenty of time, since we were there 20 minutes early.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and we went inside.

Dr. D. asks us to come in, and asks how we're doing. We agree that today is not a good day. She says she's upset with me. He inquires as to why. I interrupt that it's because I made a bad joke. She says it's because I don't communicate. That she wants to spend time with me and I don't want to spend time with her. I disagree.

She starts crying and I hold her, rubbing her leg with one hand and shoulder with the other. He asks her to close her eyes and tell him what I'm doing. She says she doesn't know. He asks her to concentrate, and think what I'm doing. She says "he's holding me". "And what else?" he asks. She stops crying and says "he's touching my leg". He asks her to open her eyes and look. She calms down.

She says the only time she feels close to me is during sex and that there's not enough. I tell him that it's not like it's not happening, Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday Night, Sunday Morning, Monday night, Tuesday night (today is Weds.). He says to her, in this respect, you know, you're more like a man. And explains that men "want to be held, like a baby" but the only way they know how to get this is during sex. I agree that she's like that.

He asks if she's always been like this, with other partners, or just with me. She agrees that she's always been like this.

He asks us if we'd do something, to finish a story about a couple who lost their "Zing". We say we will.

I've been in a meeting since 2:00, it's now 3:30 and it's over. I get a text message.  I'm talking to my boss about some concerns brought up during the meeting and my cell rings. I can't talk now, so I press the mute button. Two minutes later, it rings again. I hit the mute button again. I get a text message, so it rings again. I throw it in the trash.

I know who it is, but I can't talk now. What ever it is, it can't be that important. She knows I'm not supposed to talk to her on the phone at work anyway.

I finish talking to my boss, I read her text:

Where are u

CB 404 555-1212
3:31 P.M.

 I reply:

Meeting
Loue You

3:33 P.M.

 I'm not any more, but I'm not answering, I've got some things that need to be done by 4:00 I can talk to her then. She won't accept "I'm Busy", but she knows I can't talk to her while I'm in a meeting.

She replies:

Where

CB 404 555-1212
3:36 P.M.

 Where? where what? Then another:

Why u signed off should i come up there

CB 404 555-1212
3:42 P.M.

 Now I'm thoroughly confused . I'm afraid she's going to come to my office and make a scene but I reply:

I don't know why signed off meeting phone off
Loue You

3:44 P.M.

 While my phone is off, I get these two text messages:

 I loue u please

3:43 P.M.

Sorry missed uderstood i thought t meant meeting me love u

3:50 P.M.

 So I finish what I'm doing and hop online.

So I'm back at my desk and I'm working. She sends me an IM. 

 (16:26:09) hi honey
(16:26:13) hi honey!
sorry i misunderstood your message
which message?
meeting
yes, I was in a meeting
i thought you were meeting me
I am, at 6:00 don't be late
*kissingsmiley*
what do you mean
I was trying to be cute, I'm meeting you at home.
thank you
what are the kids up to?
outside
ok
baseball
i love you so much
all of them?
love you too
no ust Malc
just Malcolm
what about Maddy and Aaron?
outside
i want you hre
soon
i am sad
why?
i miss you so much
I miss you too
i really need you
what's wrong?
i have no idea
ok, is something wrong?
i just really miss you
I miss you too
i want to see you real bad
what you
I'll be home soon
hour and half
yup
90 minutes
seems like forever
I know.
i justwant to kill myself

What? I'm not worth killing your self over darling. 

talking to my sister
why?
ok, tell me when you're done
just want to see you
no i want you
and that's why you want to kill yourself?
no i need u
I'm here for you honey
i want you
I want you
i need you
I need you too
crying
why?
so upset
about what?
i need u
I'm sorry I have to work honey
i know

I send her a picture of monkeys she likes monkeys:

http://www.geocities.com/qingli_y/monkies.jpg
i love you
love you
there was a accident
where?
rt 30 west
great, which exit?
sherman
ok, I'll have to listen to the radio, the only alt route is through the city that I know
it may be clear up by then
I hope
about 30 minutes ago
ok, it may clear by then.
Madison wants to go moonlight swim
ok
cheaper than bowling
yup
10 more minutes
yup
i need you
I'll be home soon
you did go over for coffee
is that the meeting
no I didn't go, I didn't think the meeting would take that long
]really
really
love u
love you
when u gonna be here
as soon as I get there, I'm hoping for around 6:00
i hope so to
so yu ready to come home
i will see you then
its 500
yes it is, love you
love you
se you soon
see you soon
bye
bye

So I go home, we go to moonlight swim. Everything is honkey dorie. Or so I thought. I'm tired, real tired, I've had about 15 hours of sleep since Monday. She looks at me and says "you can go home and sleep if you want." I tell her I'm ok, I'll make it. It really doesn't matter, because she drove, so for me to go home, I'd need her to drive and take the car back to watch the kids. It's not practical.

We're talking, she says "I think I'm going to call and see if I can trade my ring in for a necklace and ear rings." I ask why. She says "Because I was talking to my sister and she said "April don't marry him." Wow, finally, some sensible advice. Except the trade in part.
For the first time in a long time, she's not seeing me with rose colored glasses, I'm not the guy for her. She says "I just want this so bad". Fortunately, one of the kids comes up and distracts her, I do not want to have this conversation in public, or anywhere for that matter.

Then she says "I want to go on vacation, to get our 'Zing-zang' back".I want you to take off the loading docks tonight. I tell her I can't. This really pisses me off, she tells me hours before she wants me to take vacation time and we don't have the money any way.

She gets busy with the kids, I lay back and try to take a nap.

I think I slept for a whole 10 minutes, then someone was waking me up telling me it's time to go.

April wrote a note an put it in my lunch box. Apearantly she's had second thoughts:

(13:00:23) you didn't read the note did you?
...
(13:00:27) no
(13:00:35) did you ripe it up?
(13:00:39) yes

I didn't actually distroy the note, but I haven't read it yet. I'm curious as to what she said. 

I finished my homework assignment which was to complete this story. I've given the character's names, it makes it easier. Both are female sounding names, but it wasn't intended to be a lesbian affair, although for the purpose of the assignment, it doesn't matter what gender the characters are:

The Story of the Couple Who Lost Their Zing

Once upon a time there were two people who loved each very much, Élan and Joie D'Vivre. They had zing in their relationship. They played a lot and did it often and with great passion. They touched, kissed, laughed, and cuddled. But as time marched on, they developed a lot of things to do in their life. They got jobs, bought a house, had kids, bought lots of stuff which occupied their time, and pretty soon they were left with no time for themselves or each other. Also a lot of difficult things happened to them: money problems, health problems, family problems, and kid problems all piled up. And they got caught in nasty patterns of negative interaction so common to couples having problems. All of these things sapped the energy right out of them and they lost their zing and could hardly talk anymore.
For years they walked around just getting by, with their bodies half asleep. In the end, they became so tired their bodies fell completely asleep even though they themselves were still awake. That was OK for a while. Both understood that life couldn't always be filled with zest and zing. And it was understood that if one were to have a zingy feeling in the body it should just be ignored, so they could accomplish the things that needed to be done. It was also understood that it was a gift to the other to not burden the other by talking about zingy, zesty feelings or the lack thereof. In fact as time went on and on, the two talked very little about what was inside their minds or bodies. But both thought that someday it would work out and it was best to just keep going, doing what needed do be done.
Then one day, something marvelous and terrifying happened. Élan woke up full of energy with lots of those zesty, zingy feelings. For Élan, once again life was full of color and excitement. But as Élan looked over to Joie, Élan noticed that Joie's body was still fast asleep. Élan wondered, "Should I wake Joie? What would Joie think? Would Joie think; "What's wrong, you've changed? Why are you acting this way? You're being silly, stupid, needy, pathetic, childish and selfish?" Élan thought for a long time about what to do and finally decided that it was too embarrassing, too risky to bring up the subject and decided to keep quiet and try to go back to sleep. That worked for a while but soon Élan began to grow sad and lonely, not being able to share the joy of the zesty, zingy feelings. Élan longed to share these feeling with Joie but couldn't muster up the courage to wake Joie, fearing a negative reaction. Élan grieved the loss of someone to share the exciting zesty, zingy feelings with.

Months turned into years and one day while Élan was in deep despair a stranger walked by, smiled and struck up a conversation. Somehow it was so easy to talk and confide in this stranger. Élan thought, "This is a wonderful feeling to feel alive again" and at once a zingy, zesty feeling welled up inside of Élan. Élan thought, "Is this meant to be? Should I be feeling this way? I feel wonderfully young and energetic - Why shouldn't I feel this way? I don't want to go back to feeling half asleep and dead inside." Then, a great consuming sense of confusion came over Élan. Just now talking to the stranger, it felt so enlivening and freeing while the thought of talking to Joie seemed somehow difficult and impossible. The confusion was paralyzing.

Just at that moment, Joie turned the corner and saw Élan and the stranger talking in that animated zesty way. Immediately it broke Joie's heart. Joie became angry, protested and ran away to be alone. Joie thought, "Élan doesn't talk to me like that. Why haven't we been able to talk like that - so zesty, zingy and full of life? I miss the talking, confiding and those wonderful zingy, zesty feelings in my body." Seeing the shock on Joie's face, Élan fell silent.

More years went by and the children grew into wonderful people. But Élan and Joie rarely talked, and never about that awkward day. Élan had felt foolish and shamed, so pushed away those zesty feelings, not feeling any right to talk about them. Joie felt hurt and unwanted and built a wall of soft foam all around for comfort. The two were together but felt alone and rarely touched.

Believe it or not, as with some couples, this couple was able to recover those zingy, zesty feelings for each other. But how, how did it come about that once again they played together and their zingy, zesty feeling were awakened? Try creating your own ending to this story.

Given available space, I will share your story endings on this web page. No more than a page, please. Email me your endings (doug@douglastilley.com) and give me your permission to use your name or a nickname and to post your endings. Have fun.

The end of the story begins with, "Well, by and by........................"

Click Here to print a PDF version

Élan meanwhile decided to recover from the despair and get back on the track of life. Not knowing how to get Élan's life straightened out , walked into the U.S. Armed Forces Recruiting center and spoke to a Navy Recruiter who talked about the responsibility, discipline, camaraderie, and brotherhood. This was exactly what Élan was looking for. Élan signed without a second thought. He went through boot camp, and began serving on the USS Patriot.

After a while, he became restless. During a pissing contest with a few Marines, Élan got a little too hot headed and started a fight. Élan lost. While sitting in the brig, feeling quite down, Élan decided to write a letter to Joie. Élan wondered if Joie found the lost zing, if Joie looked or if Joie moved on.

After a few weeks, a package arrived with no return address, inside were cookies and beer. Élan instantly knew the baker was Joie. He wrote a second letter, a simple thank you note. Assuming Joie had moved on, but wishing Joie the best life has to offer. As letter were exchanged, Élan learned that absence makes the heart grow fonder. When Élan left and the shock wore off, it motivated Joie to also take control of Joie's life and look for the lost zing. Joie found it, without being barked at by Drill Instructors or 1,000 push ups. Élan was happy for Joie. On Élan's next leave, Élan took a flight to see Joie. Joie was happy, zesty and in tears when Élan walked through the terminal gate. They talked for hours, Élan almost missed the plane back. When Élan's term of service ended, Élan introduced Joie to a new way of life, aboard a much smaller vessel, the SS Minnow, a 27 foot sailboat. They sailed to the Florida keys in November, catching fish and taking a temp job from time to time, then sailing north to the crisp spring air of Maine and back again. Vowing never again to leave zing or zest lost.

Not all who wander are lost.

One of April's nieces asked her to watch her son while she underwent surgery. He goes to play with April's kids while they talk on the sidewalk. They talk about various female ailments, and it's not long until they get to weight. Ironically, they're both the same weight, 118 lbs. However, her niece is about eight inches shorter than April.

April tells her that she's got an eating disorder. That she doesn't intentionally make herself throw up, but she has other ways, referring to laxatives. Her niece tells her she looks great.

Then April gets on the subject of how she hates the neighborhood. Really it's not all that bad, yes, there's the asshole who said I should smack her around, but most of the others are cool. Directly across the street, the newest neighbor is working on his truck.

She says at a level that the guy across the street could surely hear "everybody around here are assholes.The guy who threatened to beat me up on my own property. And the blacks who said `they're just renters`" I'm surprised that Al Sharpton isn't at my place yet.

Although the black people are ok, the mom's just a little screwed up, I really doubt they're card carrying NAACP members. So I say "It's time to go inside honey."

She continues, and continues and continues. Then she describes to her niece how when she gets angry, she's unstoppable. She proudly announces how she choked me. I say that I know I wasn't in any real danger. I feel obligated to tell her niece how I was just making pancakes and the she choked me. Finally after about 10 minutes, she decides it's time to go in.

Well, this time it's a good buddy who's leaving, for good reason.

So I casually mentioned that we're throwing him a send off party last night.

April command "You're not going! And you know why".

Well shit honey, this is a guy you've met, you're sorta cool with him, what's the problem? So I reply "Cause I can't hold my liquor and will embarass myself." She gets up, goes in the house, slams the door.

I wait outside, I'm not dealing with this bullshit, I'm not going to let her believe I'm in the wrong. I'll just grab my clock on Thursday morning, go to work and never come home. I want to leave anyway, why not then?

After 10 minutes or so, she comes to the door orders me in the house to talk to her.  She says "you can't go, she'll be there." I say no she won't. She demands to know who's going and why spouses aren't invited. Spouses aren't typically invited to this kind of stuff anyway, at least not at anywhere I've worked. Stupid crazy woman. I really thought she was getting better, however, lately, I don't know any more.

She says "I'm a bitch if I don't let you go." (yes darling, that's right) "and if I do, then I'll lose you." she continues.

Maybe she is getting better, last time she demanded I not go, regardless. Eventually she says "let me think about it." I agree to let her think about it. 

The discussion regarding the "send-off" continues:

2:34:PM: gonna ask u a question, don't get mad at me ok
ok.
did u found out who is all going to (the farewell) gathering?
let me look
ok, you are gonna tell me the truth right?
(list of names, Kristin excluded)
(the person's name of the last one I couldn't go to) (the last farewell outing you wouldn't let me go to)
brb, my boss

29 minutes go by.

ok its been half hour so i do nt knw whats going on
back
ok
so tell me is Kristin gonna be te
here
there
no
you telling me the truth ?
or are u just saying that because you want to go?
yes I am telling the truth

I know I'm lying, but I am not going down that road. She's told me in no uncertain terms that some things are unacceptable, such as me being in the vicinity of Kristin. Even though her interest in me and my interest in her are clearly a figment of April's immagination. 

so where is tis to be going down?
Jimmy's, it's a restaurant.

After I said it, I knew it was a mistake. Honesty is not the best policy. 

where the hell is that never heard of it
don't worry, I'm not eating anything expensive and wont' drink, we don't have the money.
why are you still planning on going?

That would be nice, I am a "big boy" after all, they let me drive (sort of), drink and vote after all. 

i take
  i take what?

My misunderstanding, she meant "I take it". 

so when do youthink u will be home?
so I'm not allowed?
7:00-7:30
thats seems late to me
what ever, sorry I asked.

That really pisses me off, it takes me an hour to get home, even if it takes 15 minutes to get there, what's wrong with spending at most an hour and a half there? 

what do you mean?
if it's going to be an inquisition, it's not worth it.
first of all you never ask for the other one that you claim i said you were not allowes
allowed
all i am saying i never relized you guys were that close to one another
if you want to go then go
it's not like he was my best friend or anything, we weren't close, but we were pretty good friends and I'd like the opportunity to say "good luck and farewell" so to speak.
i do not want you to get mad at me, not to be cocky buit you could say that there, but do what you think you want to do
I'm not mad.
but youknow how i feel about Kristin and i think you just afraid to tell me thats all

Why would I be afraid to tell you? Ever since you found out about her, you've harrassed her, you've threatened her, you've threatened my job, you cost me a promotion. What do I have to fear?

no.
and i want to believew you and trying to

I don't feel as though you are trying nor want to. Sorry, I just don't see any effort. 

and "me and Kristin" is all in your imagination.
I really wish you could understand that.
no, i just have a problem with her thats all
i trust you, but not her
so you do not trust me
no i said i do trust you
but what would u do if she tried something thats all
decline, you know that.
i love u and miss u

If love means "control" and miss means "manipulate". 

think about it you almost left me twice now and i am afraid of that more then anything

Can't imagine why. 

if you were afraid of it, don't you think you'd quit nagging me about Kristin?
makes mesick to my stomach thats all
i do not
ok.
well I really need to get some stuff done before the end of today, can I talk to you about it later?
you have no idea how i feel about u thats all
i upset u
i am sorry
it's ok, I really need to get this done, I just got an asignment by (the end of the month) that's going to take all the time I have till then.
i need you to understand that i do not mean to do anything mean by far

For someone who isn't trying you're doing a great job! 

I know.
but you think i amtrying by nt wantng you to go
anyway, I need to get thisdone, I got two hours and probably need three.
you have until the 1st right?
look, I won't go. OK?
yes, and I probbaly could use till the middle of next month
3:21 PM : can we talk abut it at home
i love u, miss u
yes.
love you too.
bye
bye