It's been nearly a year and a half since my grandmother died. We've been slowly moving her stuff out of the house because she lives 150 miles away from all of us and it's quite a chore to do it. Plus, there's a lot more stuff than any of us thought.

So April and I have driven six hours to get to her house in a rented moving truck that's as big as you can drive with a Joe Schmoe license. She has a commercial license and is comfortable driving big stuff, but she drove really slow since she's unfamiliar with it, it's a dog and it bounces like those ping-pong balls in the lottery machines. I didn't drive because of it's size, we may have to go through weigh stations. My license is still suspended due to the non-payment of fine bullshit.

It's three a.m. We're really tired. I've been up for 24 and a half hours. She's been up for 20. I'm talking to my brother who came up to help about moving. After the conversation, I'm downstairs, she comes up to me and says in a very stern tone with a look that could kill: "you better not move out on me, I'll kill you." Since this came out of no where, I explained to her that we came up here to move Grandma's stuff out and take anything of value to Mom's house.

A short while later, we go to bed. We really need it. 

We've spend the day driving the gigantic truck back and unloading it. It took the better part of three hours to unload it. We then spent at least another hour and a half transferring stuff to a truck to go to my brother's house and the rest into my other brother's house. It's time to return the truck. I'm thirsty, she needs to use the bathroom, so we stop at a convenience store.

I pick up a "Cinnabon Espresso and Cream", I like the StarBucks, but the Cinnabon is 9.5 ounces vs. the Starbuck's 6.5 ounces and it's 20 cents less. She walks up to me after leaving the bathroom "why do you always hide from me in stores?". I consider this to be stupid. I'm sorry, I'm not hiding. We came in so she could use the bathroom and I could buy a drink. I'm hidden by the high shelves combined with our short stature. I simply reply "I'm not hiding" without going into detail.

I walk up to the counter with her to pay for the drink.

The cashier says "Oh, I've never tried those."
I say "Neither have I. I like the starbucks espresso and cream, so I thought I'd try this."
The cashier says "I like the starbucks too. That will be $2.11. You'll have to tell me how it is."
I reply "I'll do that." As I hand her two dollar bills, a dime and a penny.
The cashier says "Thank you." as we turn from the counter.

As we walk out the door, April begins mocking me: "'I'll tell you how it is.' You could tell she was flirting with you and you flirted right back."
I say "No I didn't."
She cuts me off: "After all I did for you this weekend."
I cut her off. "I know you did a lot. I appreciate it."
She did do some, she drove up and back, she helped pack, she guarded the truck so no one would steal shit while we were in and out of the house. I did some, my two brothers did some and the piano movers did a lot.
She then says "I have half a mind to go back in there and tell her off."
"Don't do that" I plead.
She gets in the truck and it won't start. Fortunately, it was because she didn't have it in neutral. We drive away.
She says as we pull out of the driveway "make sure you come back and tell her how it is."
A few minutes later, she says "I'm going to go back there and kick her ass."
About 15 minutes after the offense, Cat Stevens "Wild World" comes on the radio. She turns it up as he sings 

And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Plays. 

At the next red light, I unbuckle my seat belt, move over, kiss her, and tell her "thank you for all your help this weekend honey. I love you."

She starts to cry and says "I love you too."

She wipes the tears from her eyes as the Eagles sing "Hotel California". Which is how I feel. We dance to remember, we dance to forget. April can stab her disorder with a steely knife, but she just can't kill the beast. As far as myself, I can check out any time I'd like, but I can never leave... 

So we decided to visit a Renaissance Festival.

We get in about an hour after we're there, she says to me 'You sure like looking at the girls, don't you?'

I'm kind of appalled. While it is a Renaissance Festival and it's bawdy, and women are all wearing bustier type dresses, I wasn't actively looking at tits, or girls for that matter. It made me uncomfortable, but I try to brush it off. The rest of the day went well.

Fortunately we did not run into my co-worker that works there. I'm really apprehensive about if we should see her.

The Renaissance Festival went well enough, so when she asked if I wanted to go out to the bar, I was all for it.
We got there just before it got totally packed. We managed to grab the last booth in the place. The waitress was slow, oh, so painfully slow. But it was pretty clear why it was packed, tonight is the farewell to summer "party", with karaoke, so it was sure to draw a big crowd. Several women were walking around with seashell bras over their clothes, although it looked more like bizarre baseball bras than seashells.
Finally, the waitress comes and we order. While waiting for our drinks to arrive, she says to me, "you need to stop looking at other women, you're mine!".

This is now the second time she said that in one day. This time, I definitely was looking at another woman, I think it would come off rude to stare blankly off into the distance while ordering a beer. And yeah, she was in a very low-cut top. Makes sense to me, men patronize bars a lot, men like boobs, men who see boobs at bars, or something close are probably more likely to give a larger tip. But that was only half the fun.

Our drinks arrive, and I try to pay attention to the TVs, both showing football, which I find about as interesting as watching paint dry. The people singing karaoke were slightly more entertaining. I try to talk to her without provoking her more and without showing how unsettled I am.

After an hour or so, two couples stop by our table and ask "How would you like four drunk friends to join you?". My natural response is "go for it". Especially since the place is packed and we're on one side of the booth. She agrees, which just amazes me. I never thought she'd do that. So three of them pile into the booth on the opposite side of us. One of the guys stands next to the booth.

Now here's the rub, we don't know these people, they don't know us. But to make the best of things, and possibly have a really good time, we need to find some things out about each other. Fortunately, the one guy Bill is very friendly. So is one of the women, I think her name was Angie. Angie and Bill seem like they should be married, but they're not. Bill is married to the other woman Kathy, Angie is married to another guy Brook . I don't know if I caught his name right.

After about 15 minutes, April tells me I need to stop looking at Angie's boobs. Yeah, she caught me. But I think she'd have said that anyway. So for the rest of the night, I keep my eyes off Angie's boobs.

As I said, Bill was extremely friendly, I think he'd gotten bored talking to Angie and Kathy, so he started talking to us. Bill asks what we do for a living, and I tell him what I do. April says to him "don't do any business with that place, they're really bad". Then she turns to me and says "I told you I would not let anyone do business with (my work) after what (a different) Bill did."

I really don't want to get into this. I still think she was wrong to call Kristin and ask her over the phone if she's screwing me. Mentally unstable or not, that was wrong. I got the consequences. I try to overlook this anyway, and make it out to be a joke, like when one friend bashes another in front of his buddies, you like the guy and respect him, but you make fun of the fact that he's a dentist, cause he's a dentist.

Later, I was taking a piss, April told Bill about how I won't marry her. Well, I'm not about to go into great detail with complete strangers, but Bill did tell me how Kathy is his best friend, and Kathy told me I need to "shit or get off the pot". Which is true. But there's so much more to it that they don't know.

All in all, it was great, except for the seashell bra thing, and the bashing my work thing. By fate, we went out with two other couples and there was no big blow up. I wasn't absolutely humiliated and other than Bill's possible advances which seemed to anger Kathy, it was a wonderful change of pace to see how other couples behave amongst company.

Once again Dr. D. asked us why we were there.

April told him everything was going great, and I have to agree. I really expected everything to take a shit all over itself when her pills totally wore off, but it hasn't. It's been twelve days since then and there's been a bump or two, but nothing too bad. There have been times when I expected her to fall back into her old patterns, but she didn't. One particularly stressful day, I can only imagine how it could be. A kid under her watch had a heart attack, fell over and died. Nothing she did, it was a new girl, who she wasn't around a long time and didn't get to know her very well. I was amazed that she finished her work for the day, because, I wouldn't have. I would have been like "nope, nuh-huh, going home, see you tomorrow". She didnt' tell me till I got home, normally, she would have told work she quit, or at least off for the day, insisted I come home and cried on my shoulder. She waited till I got home and then cried on my shoulder.

This is definitely a good thing. 

I thought we were having a good conversation on IM.

But... every now and then she seemed to get irritated, I'd quickly change the subject or interject something to get her off this downward spiral she's on.

For instance,  the president is in the county to speak. Here's the conversation slightly falling apart:

 (12:16:37) did you hear about the president being in town?
(12:16:53) yes.
(12:17:02) the radio said something about it and roads being closed in lancaster
(12:17:11) yeah, that's what I heard.
(12:17:14) that they will let you know
(12:17:32) is that gonna interfer with you and work
(12:17:42) or are you guys gettting off early
(12:17:50) no.
(12:17:59) well thats sucks
(12:18:36) so what else is on your midn?
(12:18:38) mind?
(12:18:53) not t much why?
(12:19:00) are you lying to me/
(12:19:17) so if i geton line at 430 you will be there
(12:19:24) I am not lying to you.
(12:19:30) I'm not getting off early.
(12:19:41) Prez will be gone way before then.
(12:19:52) k
(12:20:02) i will im you at 4300
(12:20:08) 430
(12:20:14) ok.
(12:20:38) brb going to bathroom you can get your lunch if you want
(12:20:44) to
(12:20:56) ok, sounds good.
(12:22:25) back
(12:22:33) let me know when yu are
(12:22:39) ok
(12:23:18) what else would you like to talk about?
(12:23:23) why?
(12:23:38) what do you want to do that you keep asking me that?
(12:23:45) nothing
(12:23:56) just seems like it
(12:24:18) like you are trying to get me off the net for some reason
(12:25:01) not trying to get you off.
(12:25:08) I'll do that tonight before bed.
(12:25:14) ;)
(12:25:20) ok you better
(12:25:33) :):-*
(12:25:48) :-*

 A little while later, we're discussing how no one does anything with Madison:

 (12:53:47) even though i know Madison had fun bowling on sat
(12:54:06) i think that made her day
(12:54:14) I think so.
(12:54:18) i know
(12:54:33) noone does anything with her
(12:54:54) i really do not either i need to start again
(12:55:16) I know
(12:55:42) g;ad you s
(12:55:50) glad you ageww
(12:55:54) agree
(12:55:55) oh, yeah.
(12:56:12) what?
(12:56:33) who else are you talking to?
(12:56:55) I'm saying that I understand when you typed " glad you ageww", you meant "glad you agree"
(12:59:35) I guess we can put my old boots out with the trash tonight.

She hates it how it takes me a long time to throw stuff out. So that seemed to distract her enough. 

(12:59:43) really
(12:59:52) i guess so

 So I thought it was done

 (13:16:05) you know how i dislike you work sorry but i have my resons
(13:16:13) reasons
(13:16:16) I know.
(13:16:32) still have anger about that one
(13:16:37) I know.
(13:16:51) i doubt if i will over get over that one
(13:17:01) I know.
(13:17:49) i know what i did was a little wrong but really not i was defending my boyfriend and any girl would have done the same trust me
(13:18:28) noone should flirt around or tell there own private life just isn't right
(13:18:33) ok, do you have something else you'd like to talk about instead.

That was probably the wrong thing to say. 

(13:18:36) ?
(13:18:53) just makes me mad
(13:19:00) I know.
(13:20:12) even though you say you just talk to her about work i can see her bugs eyes al the time she is so ugley and you can think what you want thats my opinon and i know you like her sorry butt hats just how i feel
(13:20:39) it's strictly professional, please pick something else to talk about
(13:20:42) please?
(13:20:54) and if you thinkshe is pretty then you are with the wrong chick here
(13:21:15) no, please pick a new subject.
(13:33:57) so what else is on your mind?
(13:35:37) hello?
(13:35:43) nothing1
(13:35:49) !
(13:36:04) *scully*
(13:36:54) WELL I AM GOING TO WORK
(13:37:00) ok.
(13:37:01) BYE
(13:37:03) have a good run.
(13:37:06) love you too.

 I didn't want to continue this, but I did want to point out that she just up and left the conversation, but I said "I love you". Which is really childish, but I never thought this next part was coming:

(13:37:09) RIGHT
(13:37:23) AT ONE TIME
(13:37:25) ok, have a great run.
(13:37:33) I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU
(13:37:41) you know that's not true.
(13:37:54) I REALLY DO NOT KNOW ANYMORE
(13:38:01) yes you do.
(13:39:33) I M ALWAYS LAST, BUT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK,BUT I DO LOVE YOU, I AM JUST FEELING HURT RIGHT NOW
(13:39:48) I don't understand why, perhaps we can talk about it when I get home?
(13:40:26) BECAUSE OF OUR CONVERSATION WAS GOOD BUT THEN IT WENT DOWN HILL BECAUSE YOU NEVER FEND ME.
(13:40:34) DE
(13:40:54) that's the thing, I do defend you.
(13:40:58) but i ove you, see you at 600

And it was over. Something soothed the savage beast, I have no idea what. But she needs to leave for work, perhaps that was the ticket. 

(13:41:01) bye
(13:41:04) love you, see you at six.
(13:41:07) April has left the conversation.

It may be four months after the fact, but she went to an interview where my part time job is.

She's followed through and got the job, although she almost decided to forget it, because she got flustered and just barely made it on time. They hired her without any problems and she'll start in two days.

She's planning on saving some money while paying down her debt. It may be too late to help my credit that's been damaged trying to keep her happy, but it will be good for her, I think. A bonus, it will keep her occupied for another four hours of the day, which has always been a problem, when she's bored she gets to thinking and that leads to harmful thoughts, either to herself or our relationship.

If she sticks it out long enough, she can get vacation time and benefits, even if she doesn't, I think it will be good for her, knowing that she's not stuck in the job she has now, she can get others, entirely on her own if she wants to do it.

I took the following off to go on one of Madison's field trips. It would be a three block walk from her school, she really wanted me to go. Then we found out the date was wrong, it was actually today, so I asked to have just the afternoon off and would be in all day tomorrow.

I rode the motorcycle to her school, and she assumed that I was taking her home. She was edgy because of riding the motorcycle, but her friends thought it was cool, so that encouraged her to ride with me. April and I had planned that she would ride the bus home, but I figured I'd take this opportunity to ride her 2-up for the mile home, even though I wasn't prepared. I put my helmet on her and took her home. She liked it so much, she wanted to go back and pick up my backpack from her school again, so I got another helmet, put that on her, wore my helmet and went.

Later that night, Maddy asked to go for another ride, so I took her around the neighborhood a few times.

When we got back (we only rode three miles), April was looking jealous of me taking Maddy for a ride.

I said "Is 'ems jealous?" in a mocking, yet fun sort of way. She replied "yes".

Shortly after, she asked what we were going to do tomorrow. I said I was going to work, I had to trade days to get the afternoon off for Madison. April got really mad. We started fighting and I said "the world doesn't revolve around you. I took tomorrow off so I could do Madison's field trip. Since the days were wrong, I did what I needed to do so I could be there for her.". April insisted that I should have not gone on the field trip so I could spend the day with her. It would be our last day together before she would be starting her part time job.

Then she walked off down the street. I didn't chase her, I just let her go. I was sort of afraid that she'd try something stupid like jump out in front of a car, but the speed limits are only 25 and I've read that most people survive getting hit by cars at 35 mph.

Also, she's been a lot better lately, so hopefully she wouldn't pull any bullshit like that.

Aaron decides he's going to go looking for her. I assume that she'll come around when she realizes the kids want her and it's no big deal. 

She comes back, goes in the house. Aaron follows. Then he comes running out: "Mom just took a bunch of pills!".

I go in the house, demand to know what she took. She says Tylenol. Well, I know that we have one bottle of that, it has two 1/2 tablets in it (we give it to the kids for pain/fever, instead of the syrup). Lo and behold, the bottle rattles, like there's two 1/2 tablets in the bottle. I ask again what she took. She insists it was Excedrin (she's actually not supposed to take that.), she has a headache.

Well, I have to believe her. I have no idea how many Excedrin there are. We do have that in the house, and it would be a reasonable alternative to Tylenol when there aren't any available. Aaron thinks there were more. But I believe April.

She wants me to take the day off, and I don't appreciate the guilt trip about it being our "last day" together. Finally, I agree to call in sick tomorrow.