(12:08:16) You're not a coward
(12:08:38) well noone wants me.thats how I really feel.
(12:08:44) who said that?
(12:08:52) you
(12:08:58) you do nto care about me
(12:09:01) you are to easy
(12:09:24) I do care about and what do you mean I'm too easy?
(12:09:37) when someone wants to know how you feel an=bout something you agree and they want to hear that you do care.
(12:10:13) you to easy as far as just letting someone give up .
(12:11:13) no, I'm really busy, I don't understand why you don't understand taht
(12:12:06) I do try,but you do not understand where I come from.
(12:12:36) no, I don't.
(12:14:13) like when you are here with me everything is what like we will do this but when I may change my mind as far as dinner,you just say ok.like it really did not mean anything to begin with.I do not understand if I would you would have said that to me I would have ask why dont you want to go or something.I am trying to understand.
(12:15:08) I guess I would have wanted to know why whjat has changed thats all.
(12:15:10) what I'm trying to get you to understand is that I'm really trying to get something done and you're insisting that since I don't give you a big long objection, that I don't care
(12:15:25) the fact of the matter is I do care and you won't beleive me no matter what I say
(12:15:58) ok so you want to let you go then and work?
(12:16:24) yes.
(12:16:56) ok well if you have time for tonight let me know.I do not want to bother you
(12:17:29) ok
(12:17:33) I got dinner, trust me
(12:17:47) dont worry ok
(12:18:05) ok
(12:18:14) my cell phone is dead.
(12:18:23) the battery?
(12:18:26) yes
(12:18:37) ok, well the new batteries should show up soon
(12:18:46) so i do not know where the charger is so it willnot be on.
(12:19:03) do you want to babysit tonight?

I don't know what she means, but I think she means I'm supposed to watch the kids and she's supposed to do what ever she wants to vindicate herself, either "get back at me" or something.

(12:19:03) Ask Aaron
(12:19:08) he is not here
(12:19:12) oh
(12:20:14) ok, well I need to get this done, love you
(12:20:45) just one more thing
(12:20:50) what's that?
(12:20:59) I am taking that money out of the savings and giving it to you

Again, trying to get back at me, I gave her several hundred, well more than several hundred dollars to keep for vacation, I could keep it just as well as she could, but I figured this would be a show of trust, because if I trust her with a week's pay, then maybe she'll trust me.

(12:21:08) its yours not mine.
(12:21:15) why?
(12:23:21) I paid for your and Aaron's new battery, I'd expect to see them next week
(12:23:23) becuase I just feel as though I have to do that.I feel as though we may not be together much longer thats all.I .love you with all my heart. just remember that.I am sorry for everyhting and I know someday You will find the right girl for you.I am not I have to many problems.but if you love me can you just give Madison and I this one last weekened togthe> then I will be out of your hair so to speak.

I don't know what she means.

(12:23:42) what ever, fight with me later, ok?
(12:24:06) no Ineed to get this off my chest>I am not fighting with you
(12:24:19) I lovce you I want you to be happy and I do not make you happy.

Yup, that's right, fighting with me while I'm at work is not going to make me happy.

(12:24:21) ok, well you got it off you chest, now I need to get this done.
(12:25:12) I loe you
(12:25:15) love
(12:25:28) love you
(12:25:40) see you at 600?
(12:25:57) bye honey
(12:26:07) yes, bye sweetei

now I feel like crap. I leave. While I'm gone, she decides to appologize:

 (13:17:14) I just wanted to let you know I am taking the kids to get new shoes.Sorry for earlier.I love you so much.cant wait to see you.I miss you.
(13:17:38) oh yeah amd
(13:17:48) and i hope you day gets easier

I'm shocked, yet not surprised that while getting ready for work this morning, April told me that the student who died while working with her , was not working with her. She was with a completely different employee.

I can't imagine why she'd tell me that, perhaps to get me home early, or to get sympathy, I don't know.

If that was the case, she doesn't know me well, people die. It sucks when a young person dies. What can you do, they're dead. If you had nothing to do with it, there's no reason to get emotional about it. All the tears in the world and they'll still be...dead.

A few times in between when it happened and now, she's mentioned that event, referring to herself as being directly involved, not just something that happened to someone she works with.

And what really irritates me about it, since it was such a shock, it made the news, and I told at least three people, close friends and family that it was under April that the kid died. Who of course were much more sympathetic than I am. Fortunately, it's not an issue any more, but what if it stayed an issue and it came out that I told these people something untrue? Not a little white lie either. I'd look like an ass.

But that's neither here nor there.

So many times she's told me how important being honest is to her. She's made me half-crazy trying to figure out when she wants the truth, and when lying to her is just plain easier. I don't want to lie, but I don't want to spend any time fighting over the fact that I spoke to someone who's female about ordinary things people talk about every day. And she's telling me she's lying to me again.