As it turns out, I found instructions on how to unlock it if you don't know the code later.I've changed my phone's main screen wall paper to a message that basically says I deleted everything off the phone. I even deleted the back-up assistant that could be used to restore the contacts. I'm just so frustrated with this bullshit. Yes, I am sneaking around doing a little favor for a co-worker who I think got a bum rap with a stupid company policy. I'm not screwing her, I'm not buying her gifts, I'm not going to lunch with her. I'm letting her use my parking space when I'm not using it. If I wasn't doing it for her, it would be someone else in the same position. So what. I can't tell April I'm doing this, cause I can't take the accusations.

April got a new job. Well, sort of. She told me she got a new job, the only problem is they haven't told her where she's supposed to go today to start work, or when to start work. She called them a few days ago to find out, they never called her back. This seems really fishy to me. She's online, I ask her what's up:

(08:33:51) Me: did you call XYZ yet?
(08:33:52) April <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm not here right now
(08:43:56) April: trying to reach them now
(08:43:56) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(08:44:53) ok, I checked the vonage voicemail, the only thing we've gotten since march was Holly last friday.
(08:45:20) thats what Ithought there is no answe right now
(08:45:27) I wonder what is up with them
(08:45:58) must not have a big office staff.

Well, like I said, something's fishy. So I look at the phone log, there's no phone calls made at this time. But she did call XYZ company on Friday several times. So I don't know. I really hate this stuff, now I'm the one who's got to snoop, cause I don't trust her. 

She gave up on that other place, I sorta do beleive her that she thinks she got the job. But how can an employer tell you that you have a job, get you to pay for a physical with the promise of reimbursement and never call you and say when and where you start? But she's got an interview in two days for somewhere else. I hope she gets it.

Tell me I'm wrong, please, please tell me I'm wrong, email me () and just put in the subject ESW in the body put "you're wrong". I won't contact you, I won't spam you, I won't distribute your email address. I just need someone to tell me I'm losing it and I'm jumping to conclusions and stuff.
I see that she's online, and I figure, hey, why not talk a little...

(12:29:58) Me: hi honey, how is your day?
(12:30:47) hmm, false alarm.
(12:31:01) I'm going to take a piss and smoke a cigarette, I'll be back, love you.
(12:38:48) back, you there?
(12:38:49) April <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm not here right now

Ok, so she's not there, the computer is on, but she's not in front of it. 

(12:54:00) I am here now
(12:54:00) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(12:54:06) hi honey!
(12:54:09) how's your day?
(12:54:11) hi
(12:54:37) I slept until 12:00 then I went outside sunbathing just came in 
(12:54:47) its ok how is your day?
(12:54:59) better, I found the problem that was so frustrating yesterday.
(12:55:14) well thats good
(12:55:22) so was your lunch?
(12:55:39) I know you do not have your good coffee today.
(12:55:55) no, coffee guys are redecorating.
(12:56:09) yup I remember you telling me that

(skipping mundane conversation)

(13:06:08) I really did not hear you leave this morning
(13:06:08) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(13:06:13) I was so out of it
(13:06:17) yeah, you were pretty out of it.
(13:07:07) I wish my thyroid would soon get better but I know the dr said all in time but this really sucks
(13:07:14) Iam so tired of being tired
(13:07:21) I know honey.
(13:07:42) I cant do much anymore
(13:08:04) I am not gonna get old becasue if this is how its gonna be I do not want to live like this
(13:08:14) oh honey.
(13:08:31) you have no idea how miserable I am
(13:08:56) I am only gonna get worse.
(13:09:03) it will get better.

(more mundane conversation)

(13:14:58) what do you do when there is something you need to do but you have conflicts with it? do you have any good ideas onhow to handle it?
(13:15:09) like what?
(13:15:53) well if there is somewhere you need to go and donotwant to becasue down deep inside you have issues reasons.something that you want but cannot have.
(13:16:34) such as????
(13:16:52) well likeif it has to do with your family meaning my family 
(13:17:07) and it would not be fair tothe person but you cant bring yourself there
(13:17:13) so you want to tell off my mom or what?
(13:17:26) no i said not your family 
(13:17:29) my family 
(13:17:33) nothing like that
(13:17:47) ok, so you need to tell your mom/dad something?
(13:17:57) no not really
(13:18:00) do you want to go to your moms for mother's day?
(13:18:17) there is something I am to do but dont want to do it formy own personal reasons.
(13:18:39) no am ok on mothers day
(13:19:11) ok, well if you don't tell me what you need/want to do, how can I answer you?
(13:19:18) my mom will understand. she knows the kids want to spend time with me and all
(13:20:01) well all I wanted to know if there is somewhere you need to go but donot want to go becasue it hurts me what do I do?
(13:20:27) how do i get rid of this and how do i get it back
(13:20:27) so you're saying you want to go with the kids to my mom's house, but you don't want me to go?
(13:20:41) no not at all
(13:20:48) nothing to do with this weekend
(13:21:00) ok, so please tell me what you're talking about, cause to me you're talking in circles.
(13:21:49) there is a function I need to go to, but I do not want to go, becasue it bothers me and being around some of the people. would you go or just stay home?
(13:22:04) nothing to do with your family
(13:22:14) ok, so there's something with your family going on?
(13:22:20) yes
(13:22:27) but not this weekend
(13:22:36) ok, is it this vacation thing?
(13:22:48) I guess I just put my feeling behind and just gi
(13:23:14) well that too I really donot want to go but Idonot want to bail out at this point. wouldnt be fair to them.
(13:23:30) ok, so this thing that's bothering you is something else?
(13:23:39) yews
(13:23:41) yes
(13:24:00) ok and this is something you think is going to bother me?
(13:24:15) how do you mean 

I'm pretty irritated at this point, I honestly have no clue as to what she's referring to, she won't tell me and this conversation is starting to distract me from my work, lunch is long over. 

(13:25:29) well all I can tell you is, if you want to go, go if you don't don't. I don't have any information to base my decision on because you won't tell me. I have no idea what you're referring to and I just don't know.
So all I can say is what I would do is give me more information.
(13:26:32) well I will think about it and see if i canor not and let you know in tme i guess.
(13:27:37) let me think about it 
(13:28:08) ok.
(13:28:27) so did you have your pretzel today?
(13:29:12) do you remember last night being so hot and sweating and all
(13:29:14) no.
(13:31:46) what did you eat today?
(13:31:53) nothing
(13:32:04) just a little soda and water

This is an ongoing problem, she's gone back to starving herself.

(13:32:20) you should eat something you may feel better.
(13:32:57) no i need to cut out eating and lose this weights i may not eat at all today i am gonna try not to
(13:33:26) like I did when I was really thin I want to be like that again. I was happier I think 
(13:33:48) you need to eat consistantly, right now your body thinks there's no food, so it will store everything you give it, you need to make your body think there's lots of food, then you won't be in a "lean-times" mode.
(13:34:03) no, you were miserable, but don't take my word for it.
(13:34:33) well I have been eating and all it does is goes to my waist and thighs you name it it go there plus I have been exercising too.
(13:34:53) I really do not know how I was
(13:34:59) all Iknow I was a size 1
(13:35:09) and miserable.
(13:35:36) but dont you thinkI am miserable now becasue I am not hapy with myself
(13:35:59) yesterday you seemed fine, what's wrong today?
(13:36:26) I hate what I see when I look in the mirror I cant stand it
(13:37:08) last night I was terrible in bed becasue clearly Iwasnt doing something right becasuse you were not enjoying yourself at all.
(13:37:54) you were great.
(13:38:17) no really I knw i suck!
(13:38:40) you were great.
(13:39:06) so basically i am losing everything I had at one time 
(13:39:14) no, you're great, now stop.
(13:39:20) I have no idea why I am the way I am 
(13:39:38) I feel like I am losing everything I am not good at anything anymore.
(13:40:26) you are good at everything, now stop.
(13:40:47) my head ispounding all a sudden I am very depressed today. all has to do with my images
(13:41:13) images?

Body image maybe?

(13:41:53) you know I should make all myarrangments for my funeral becasue I donot want my children to have to worry about it.
(13:42:15) my selfness, how I look how I feel, how terrible I am in bed.

I've decided I'm not having one of these conversations again. They really upset and unnerve me. I am not even acknowledging it. 

(13:42:16) what ever, conversation over, talk to you when I get home. Call your sister.
(13:42:25) thanks
(13:42:58) seriously, I can't take this conversations.
(13:43:19) ok
(13:43:35) I understand
(13:43:37) first, you run me in circles, then you beat yourself up, then it goes to the funeral arrangements. I can't do these conversations.
(13:43:53) I know you don't understand even if you say you do, cause you don't.
(13:44:02) ok
(13:44:55) so I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette, I think you should watch some TV or something. Play the mario cart, anything to get out of this rut, cause I can't magically pick you up out of it.
(13:45:14) read a book, lay out in the sun, I just can not do this.
(13:45:20) ok
(13:45:28) love you
(13:45:32) love you
(13:45:36) talk to you later.
(13:45:43) ok

Later, she insists that this is not a suicide conversation, that I'm jumping the gun, so please, tell me I'm wrong. () She also tells me that she's stopped taking all her medication again, except for Welbutrin and her thyroid medication. 

We're about to go to bed, earlier I asked her to get a shower with me, but she declines.
So I kiss her, kiss her neck, her pants are already unbuttoned, so I slide them off, she won't let me take her shirt off, which is odd, but oh well. I lay her down in bed, kiss her more, since she won't take her shirt off, I go straight to eating her out, well, not quite. She crosses her legs and won't let me. Again, this is strange. But sometimes she gets these urges to do things differently and this time, she says it's my turn first. O-K... So she's giving me a blow job, then comes up to be on top. I finally get at least a little bit of progress in getting her shirt off, now I'm sucking her nipples. I tell her she's great and I love her. Then she rolls both of us over and now I'm on top. I try to wiggle out to eat her, cause it's rare that I can give her an orgasm with normal sex, no matter what the position, she won't let me. So now I gotta finish first, ok. No problem, variety is the spice of life, right? She tells me "you didn't say you love me". I tell her, yes I did, but I tell her again. So I finish, now I try to eat her, she won't let me she tells me that tonight, she's a prostitute. WTF! Fucking shit. Damn damn, damn. So now to "make up" I force the issue and eat her, she has an orgasm and now she tells me she loves me. In the mean time, I feel like shit, again. I gotta get her to start taking her medication again.

I've spent four hours begging, suggesting that April tell me what she wants to do. To no avail. Finally, I go to bed, it's 10:00, I need to get up by 3:30 a.m. the following day. I ask her to wake me up when she goes to bed for "a little fun". She doesn't.

I've worked about two hours longer than I normally would, when I get the opportunity, I try to take it, and April's been off work for three weeks, so extra money is not a bad thing. As I pull out of a space, April calls me, asks where I am. I tell her, I'm just leaving work. She doesn't believe me. I offer to send her a photo message. She says go ahead, I hang up, take a picture and try to send it, I don't get more than one field filled out (her number) and she calls me back. I tell her hold on, I'm sending the message. I hit send, she calls back again! I don't know if the message sends while the phone is ringing, I pick it up. She insists that I'm out screwing around again, that I knew she'd probably sleep in and I'd be able to "get away with it". I tell her my justification for working longer as I drive down the street. I'm day dreaming about haning up on her, callling my little brother and showing up at his house. I tell her my battery in the phone is dying (it is) and I will talk to her when I get home. I had some intentions, since she didn't wake me up last night like I asked her to. Then after that, I was going to take Madison out shopping for a Mother's day gift. Well the hell with that, I go to bed.

I get up. April appears to be in a "mood" still. I ask her what she wants to do, she won't tell me. She keeps saying "I don't know". Madison says April doesn't want what I originally planned to get her for Mother's Day, she wants something else. I try to get what that "something else" is out of her. Well, that's like pulling teeth on an angry bull. Then she starts in about our plans to take my mom to a restaurant. She says yesterday we should have taken my mom out, then today taken her mom out and tomorrow would be her day. I tell her I think she needs to go back to counselling. She says I think we will. I have so many things to discuss with Dr. D. I say "ok, do you want to make the appointment or should I?" She says I should. Now she goes back to my mom, how I always choose my mom over April. I tell her I begged her to tell me what she wanted to do yesterday. The conversation has escallated and I say "you're driving me fucking nuts. You won't be happy till I'm completely insane." So I give up, I take Madison to go shopping. We buy a card, two dozen roses and a silver bracelet with hearts and diamonds. We're also going to get a cake from a different store.We're almost to the other store, April calls me. She asks me to get french fries and tea. She seems back to her usual self again.

We go to dinner with my mom as planned. I'm axious that Mom will mention a female sounding name and April will get upset. Thankfully, that doesn't happen.

(12:38:13) Me: hi honey! how's your day?
(12:38:15) April <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm not here right now
(13:27:22) April: Hi honey
(13:27:36) how's your day?
(13:27:48) ok what about yours
(13:28:11) going really well. were you able to return that part?
(13:28:22) yes I return the part.
(13:28:32) so why is your day going so good for you