April fools me into a IM conversation with whom I think is "Aaron", but it's April. This is just a few hours after the last post.

(15:27:45) Aaron: hey

This isn't Aaron, but I don't know that.

(15:27:53) me: hey bud.
(15:28:13) Aaron: what are you doing what did you say to my mom?
(15:28:39) me: I'm working, your mom got really pissed off at me, I don't know why.
(15:28:44) Aaron: she is in a pissed off mood.
(15:29:14) Aaron: well you need to fix whatever you did to her.
(15:29:41) me: well I'll try, but I didn't do anything to her.
(15:29:52) are you sure about that?
(15:30:00) me: yes, why what did she tell you?
(15:30:16) she won't talk to any of us.
(15:31:11) Unable to send message: The message is too large.
(15:31:11) Aaron: I am to tell you Malcolm got his phone.
(15:31:22) me: hold on, let me try again.
(15:31:41) me:
<excerpt from 12:36:21 to 14:04:40>
(15:32:31) what is this she was rape and molested,I did not know that.
(15:32:35) there, when you're done reading that, tell me if I did anything? cause I have no idea what I did.
(15:32:42) oh, shit.
(15:32:48) don't tell your mom I sent you that
(15:32:49) ever.
(15:33:03) what do you mean she was molested
(15:33:20) and when was she raped?
(15:33:23) shit, well, you know, the whole thing with  that car dealer and stuff.
(15:33:32) look, please, please don't tell her I sent you that.
(15:33:41) she never said  she was raped and all.
(15:33:52) I am worried about her now
(15:34:00) that was two years ago bud.
(15:34:17) why shouldn't I say anything to her?
(15:34:30) because, she didn't want you guys to know.
(15:34:37) is that why she lost all that weight and stuff?
(15:34:43) yes.
(15:34:47) look, don't say anything.
(15:34:58) why?
(15:35:12) I just wanted you to see what I said to her. I still had the window open, so I copied and pasted it.
(15:35:19) ok, let me explain.
(15:35:24) how am I am I not to say anything to her.
(15:35:49) what happened to your mom was not for me to tell you. That was her decision not to tell you guys. And I should not have told you, by sending you the log of our conversation.
(15:36:04) do you guys keep other secrets from us?
(15:36:12) your mom will  get over what ever she's mad about, and I'll try to get her back to her normal self when I get home.
(15:36:36) like what you're getting for Christmas, where we hide the presents? sure, we keep those kind of secrets.
(15:36:52) but its to late now,I know I guess i should talk to Malcolm.
(15:37:05) everything will be ok.
(15:37:14) does Malcolm Know?
(15:37:17) no.
(15:37:27) should I talk to him about it?
(15:37:28) I don't even know what your dad knows, so don't tell him.
(15:37:41) about what happened to your mom? or about why she's in a mood today?
(15:37:52) what has happened to her?
(15:38:08) I shouldn't have told you, it wasn't my story to tell, it's not yours either, don't say anything.
(15:38:27) today? I don't know why exactly she's upset today. Everything was fine, then it wasn't.
(15:38:41) but you goofed up and sent this to me and now I know.How am I to keep quite about this?
(15:39:07) I think she may be concerned cause she hasn't been getting  a paycheck, and she didn't get the last job she interviewed for. This is no big deal, everything will work out eventurally.
(15:39:33) I don't know. When your mom calms down, I'll tell her that I accidentally told you.
(15:39:43) but don't say anything now, cause she's super pissed and I don't know why.
(15:40:42) bud, this is really important, and what happened to your mom, part of the healing process is that what happened is for her to tell who she wants and her not to tell who she doesn't.
(15:40:50) so don't tell anyone that you know.
(15:41:18) I mean, you've known, but the word used was different.
(15:41:48) everything will be fine, for some reason, your mom had a really bad day today
(15:41:53) ok?
(15:43:14) I guess.But Iam not sure if I can keep quite about this.
(15:43:51) ok, do you remember the investigation for the "sexual assault"?
(15:43:55) what will happen if I tell her that you told me?
(15:44:08) the police came, your dad kept you guys over night, your mom and I spent like six hours in the hospital?
(15:44:24) do you keep things from her like she is doing to us?
(15:44:33) no.
(15:45:03) ok well if she looks at this log she will find out you know how she snoops.

Up to this point, I've honestly thought I was talking to Aaron. However, I'm beginning to think that I wasn't.

(15:45:16) she doesn't snoop in your stuff.
(15:45:19) just mine.
(15:45:27) how do you know that?
(15:45:43) because, she doesn't know a whole lot about linux for starters.

Just in case this isn't a sham conversation, I'm trying to ease things.

(15:45:59) why doesn't she trust you and why does she snoop? did you ever mess around on her?

Now I'm pretty sure this isn't Aaron. This isn't the way he thinks.

(15:46:07) but she's not interested in you guys' stuff. just mine, I don't know why, I lead a pretty dull life.
(15:46:13) no.
(15:46:38) this is all the result of the sexual assault. You guys know about that, at least part of it.
(15:46:42) guess what?
(15:46:47) this is April?
(15:46:54) do yo uthinkthis is really Aaron?
(15:47:04) yes this is April
(15:47:09) not any more, and I haven't for the last five minutes or so.
(15:47:17) so you would have told him huh?
(15:47:25) told him what?
(15:47:43) you sent our conversation over for him to read.
(15:47:58) well, "he" was getting on my shit for making you miserable.
(15:48:11) I have it right in front of me and you are lucky I am here to hide this from him or I would be exermely mad at you
(15:48:22) I know.

Well, I'm not the one getting on my shit pretending to be someone I'm not.

(15:48:35) it was me the whole time he is not here rigth now.
(15:48:48) he did not come home yet.
(15:48:54) so I know it all.
(15:48:55) well, you know how he gets so concerned about you.
(15:49:00) you know what all?
(15:49:02) yes I know
(15:49:22) everything you thought was him was really me.
(15:49:29) but I am not mad.
(15:49:47)  good, are you feelig better?
(15:50:09) no not really but i can deal with my feelings and all.
(15:50:31) Malcolm got his phone did you read that part.
(15:50:52) how do you feel, knowing that you tricked me into real concern about your kids? That should make you feel good, knowing that I'm willing to talk to them about being concerned about you, right?
(15:50:54) good.
(15:51:10) so you think I do not know about linux
(15:51:33) that is a way of checking conversations and that is how you hide things from me.

Actually, I turned the logging on so she could check up on the kids, because that's what a good parent should be doing, checking up on her kids, not her boyfriend.

(15:51:37) I was trying to ease what I thought was a 13 year old's concern about his mom.
(15:51:46) I hide what from you?
(15:52:14) when you go online and check on things that you do not want me to know about.
(15:52:29) what are you going to check on me?
(15:52:45) nothing now
(15:53:23) cause there's nothing to check?
(15:53:25) well I am gonna get off here before Aaron does come home
(15:53:38) and sees everything that was said
(15:53:47) plus its time for you to go
(15:54:05) in the next few minutes.
(15:54:16) you have like 4 minutes
(15:54:21) yes.
(15:54:47) try to get here as soon as you can please no goofing off.
(15:55:00) talk to you later
(15:55:02) love you
(15:55:04) I don't goof off.
(15:55:05) love you.
(15:55:09) talk to you soon.
(15:55:13) ok
(15:55:20) bye sweetie.
(15:55:24) bye honey

Oh so many things I need to write about and I forgot to. But this IM with her today is a doozy. She's happy to see me then she gets mad, then she makes an accusation, retracts it as a typo, then she goes on tells me I'm not the one, then I am, I tell her to talk to Dr. D, boy there's alot.

(12:14:54 PM) April: H honey
(12:15:04 PM) Me: hi honey!
(12:15:09 PM) Me: how's your day going?
(12:15:13 PM) Her: its going
(12:16:06 PM) tkrebs68@gmail.com/Gaim: how about yours?
(12:16:45 PM) so far so good, I got the plexyglass
(12:17:04 PM) well Madison got  a really good grade on her written skills she has advanced profient which means she really did good
(12:17:44 PM) so what time did you go get that?
(12:18:11 PM) good.
(12:18:16 PM) about a half hour ago?
(12:19:22 PM) so what are we doing for Madison? she wants Erica to sleep over tonight?What do you think.
(12:19:30 PM) fine by me.

Ordinary converstation for over an hour.

(1:29:27 PM) brb, ben
(1:29:32 PM) ok
(1:33:38 PM) back
(1:33:53 PM) ok
(1:34:33 PM) so are you still tired?
(1:34:46 PM) wait, one more.
(1:36:24 PM) ok, back
(1:37:22 PM) ok wait one more
(1:39:09 PM) back
(1:39:27 PM) you said you were back at 136
(1:39:30 PM) so what is it
(1:39:35 PM) are you back or not?
(1:40:09 PM) yes, back
(1:40:39 PM) well you keep saying stupid things that do nt make sense like one more did not make any kind of sense.
(1:41:14 PM) no, I am back, really back.
(1:41:26 PM) ok stupid!
(1:41:46 PM) nice, is this Maddy?
(1:42:04 PM) no its not Madison she is playing with erica
(1:42:24 PM) ok, well Madison likes to call me stupid for some reason.
(1:42:41 PM) she hasnt called you thatin awhile that I know of.
(1:43:04 PM) so do you still want the mashed potaoe for supper?
(1:43:12 PM) yes.
(1:43:20 PM) its gonna be wierd making 2 med potaoes and mashing them,
(1:43:38 PM) yes, but it'll taste good.
(1:43:44 PM) I have no idea for Maddy and erica and maybe Malcolm.
(1:44:33 PM) chicken nuggets?
(1:44:46 PM) I do not know
(1:45:12 PM) Madison had onion rings for lunch and Malcolm had hotdogs.
(1:45:55 PM) ok, you might want to ask Malcolm if he wants to try our "diet" food for dinner tonight, then it would be mashing three med. potatoes
(1:46:08 PM) he's probably like that, since he raved about Vivian's chicken that time.
(1:46:24 PM) well we do not have enough chicken thawed its only 2 of them in this pack
(1:47:36 PM) I guess I soon will have my lunch its a chicken sandwhich and a piece of cheese.
(1:47:50 PM) getting really tired of chicken soon I will turn into one.
(1:47:56 PM) do we have any extra already cooked?
(1:48:03 PM) tomorrow, Pizza...
(1:48:09 PM) the piece for my lunch
(1:48:11 PM) or what ever you want, as much as you want.
(1:48:22 PM) oh, well since you already ate that, I guess Malcolm won't get it.
(1:48:44 PM) ok, how about this, if Malcolm wants chicken, I'll eat teh fish in the fridge tonight.
(1:48:50 PM) cause the fish needs used up anyway.
(1:49:02 PM) yeah right he does not like that kind of fish either.
(1:49:24 PM) that wasnt fit for a dog to eat that was so bad really really bad.
(1:49:33 PM) no, I eat the fish.
(1:49:40 PM) well you eat anyone

Huh?

(1:49:41 PM) it was bad.
(1:49:45 PM) thank you.
(1:50:00 PM) thing
(1:50:13 PM) well you do eat anything
(1:51:07 PM) Doug still is not here I think he thinks the kids are in school a full day.
(1:51:17 PM) fine by me.
(1:51:41 PM) maybe.
(1:52:48 PM) you are in a stressful mood today arent youa/
(1:53:15 PM) well when you say "well you eat anyone" you stress me out, because I've asked a thousand times for you to stop.
(1:53:33 PM) I corrected myself
(1:53:37 PM) anyway, it's right before 2:00, so I'm going to go out and smoke a cigarette.
(1:53:40 PM) i made a mistake I said anything
(1:53:41 PM) be back soon.
(1:53:43 PM) love you
(1:53:44 PM) didnt you read that
(1:56:56 PM) I did correct myself you are just trying to start a fight.I have no idea why you are in such a mood today.you are not loving at all.I know you are trying to work I understand that but you can at least try to be happy to hear from me.But you choose not to.
(1:59:19 PM) you go out for lunch and do your errands and come back take 2 cig breaks and chat with me but itsa like you really donot want to chat with me Ican tell just say so i tell you a thousands times to just say so and you rather be short and discreet.make me feel unwanted thats what you do you could be a little loving towards me once in awhile.Is it so hard to show me that you love me.
(2:00:57 PM) that you do want to hear from me thats all I ask from you.to be happy to hear from me once in awhile.
(2:02:12 PM) back
(2:03:29 PM) I am loving. I said "Hi Honey!" when you first came on, I've been talking to you for almost two hours, I am not short with you, I have no idea what you mean when you say I'm discreet, and I dont' know why you're pissed off at me.
(2:04:07 PM) I am not pissed off you are the one who said that I am going out o smoke becasue of the mistakes that I made about anyone
(2:04:58 PM) Imade one mistake saying anyone instead of meaning anything you are the one who ssid I told you thousand times not to say that
(2:05:23 PM) yes, well from my view, it seems intentional.
(2:05:43 PM) well i never said i was perfect
(2:06:13 PM) see you always think of me in a bad way
(2:06:28 PM) no, I don't.
(2:06:31 PM) you never give me the benefit of being right.
(2:06:47 PM) you think I am a bitch at all times
(2:07:15 PM) do you want to try to go back to counseling or what/
(2:07:42 PM) I do think counseling would be good, it would resolve some problems we have.
(2:07:57 PM) so what are some of our problems so I know?
(2:08:41 PM) I have not made any kind of accusations in long time you even agreed on that.
(2:08:46 PM) you told me a bunch a week or two ago.
(2:08:52 PM) I do not check your phone anymore
(2:09:57 PM) i did not what do you mean alot week ago?
(2:10:18 PM) why are you so angry with me?
(2:10:29 PM) why do you think I think that?
(2:11:25 PM) I am not angry, I'm trying to work, you want to chat and I want to make you happy, so I chat with you, but that's not good enough, you tell me I'm not loving, you criticize me, you get mad when people need me and I can't talk to you, like Ben.
(2:11:40 PM) I was not mad 
(2:11:49 PM) I did notr say anything about ben
(2:12:30 PM) you are like back then make a comment  and yuo get me all confused so if that is what you think that is making me mad you are all wrong.
(2:13:00 PM) and you've called me stupid at least twice in this conversation without provocation.
(2:13:18 PM) that one time becasue you did not make any sense
(2:13:46 PM) you get me all confused
(2:14:06 PM) you say one thing then do another with out me even knowing what you mean.
(2:14:31 PM) oh, and you got mad at me this morning, calling me a fucker, because I didn't text you back right away, when you know that I was driving to work and my car is loud and I probably wouldn't hear the phone especially since it was in the backpack
(2:15:11 PM) well that part is true,Iwas mad about that
(2:15:36 PM) but you are usually at work by 715 or so.
(2:16:06 PM) but you know that somedays it takes longer too.
(2:16:21 PM) no really I donot know
(2:16:43 PM) I really never know when you are there and that is the truth about that
(2:20:35 PM) like seriuosly I have a question for you and I just want to know the reasoning.
(2:22:18 PM) why is it when we make love it so short and to the point.like last night when we went into it.there is sometimes no kissing there is no attacking my neck like iusually do like.I am not critzicing you I just want to know why? there is really no good hugs that one morning you gave me one but I usually coem to you.I am just wondering why?
(2:23:28 PM) Imean we kiss but not like romanically you know what I mean?
(2:23:48 PM) because I try to spend as much time with you as possible, dispite the fact that I'm starting work a half hour earlier than before, we go to bed at the same time, so I get three hours less sleep during the week than any other time, I am extremely tired and I can't stay up as long.
(2:23:55 PM) five hours of sleep isn't much.
(2:26:15 PM) so what are we to do about tht?
(2:26:23 PM) go to bed sooner?
(2:28:20 PM) there just isnt enough time in the day becasue you gt home late and make supper and by then its 615 or so then we need to exercise for about 40 minutes or so.by that time its 800 or later you need to work on your motorcylce or somethng.we run out of the evening.
(2:28:56 PM) well I usually don't have to work on the motorcycle, this has just been a bad week
(2:28:56 PM) we were finished last night by 900 though.
(2:29:30 PM) but then becasue we got right to the point.
(2:29:51 PM) i guess i have no answers.
(2:30:23 PM) I thank you last night do you remember that?
(2:30:36 PM) yes.
(2:30:43 PM) you are like for what I said everything.
(2:31:53 PM) I try my best to make you happy.I do not know what else to do.I try to be the best homekeeper I take care of the house as best as I can.I try to be the best lover.I really do try.
(2:32:23 PM) you're good at that stuff
(2:32:25 PM) I try to do the cooking but htis diet is confusing as far as the requirements.
(2:33:05 PM) If I did the cooking I would make way to much food.
(2:33:18 PM) you just make enough.
(2:33:19 PM) speaking of which, need to get a scale.
(2:33:28 PM) I kniw
(2:34:36 PM) what is your opinion on as far as where the kids would be better of with there dad or mom/
(2:34:42 PM) so here's what we'll do tonight, we'll go to the pool, get the passes, go to Wal*Mart, get a scale, go to Advance Auto, get the hose, I'll fix the bike, tomorrow I'll do cardio, you can if you want to as well, and we'll call it an evening at 8:00
(2:34:52 PM) our kids?
(2:34:57 PM) or kids in general?
(2:35:27 PM) well actually both I know you will say with me but what about others
(2:35:52 PM) others depends, there are some shitty parents of both genders
(2:36:38 PM) Aaron old me that kyle lives with his dad his mom stole money from there dad account and is going to jail so he is rasing 3 kids by himself
(2:37:02 PM) like I said, there are some lousy parents out there.
(2:37:24 PM) pretty sad to steal from your spouse's bank account, even your ex's account
(2:37:35 PM) yeah I think so too.
(2:38:01 PM) but Doug did that to me too he did not let me have access to our money that time he kept it all so I had nothing.
(2:38:14 PM) yes, he's an ass.
(2:38:26 PM) forgot about that.
(2:38:26 PM) he made my life miserable as much as he could.
(2:38:30 PM) yes.
(2:38:41 PM) sadly, most people end up doing that.
(2:38:44 PM) I will never forget it
(2:38:53 PM) he made me pay for my own kids
(2:39:02 PM) yes.
(2:39:10 PM) they klnow that too I really do not care about that if they know or not.
(2:39:47 PM) I know.
(2:40:25 PM) they need to learn from ther dads mistakes I think that will make them a better parent tolearn from his wrong doing.
(2:40:33 PM) yes.
(2:41:07 PM) as far as what I did well they know but i thnk they relize why I did what i did
(2:41:28 PM) someday.,
(2:41:55 PM) no the boys know they do not judge me on that at all
(2:42:26 PM) I guess I could have found someone a little older though but so far so good we will see.
(2:42:32 PM) right.
(2:42:46 PM) I really do not know if I will stay with you or not

Did you see thtat? ^^

(2:43:20 PM) well thanks.
(2:43:51 PM) well you are so different I donot know if Iwant to spend the rest of my life with you or not.right now its ok
(2:47:47 PM) do you understand how this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
(2:48:08 PM) yes, like a little scared feeling?
(2:48:24 PM) is that what you mean?
(2:48:39 PM) dont get me wrong you are great
(2:48:46 PM) Ilove you vry much
(2:48:51 PM) I thought I was "just ok"
(2:49:36 PM) you are better then that 
(2:49:59 PM) you know what Imean dont you
(2:50:08 PM) I donto mean to hurt your feelings at all
(2:50:38 PM) there is just certain things that I need and you give me everything that i need. dont get me wrong.you are so good with Madison.
(2:51:38 PM) I will always love you no matter what comes out of everything.i want you to be happy thats for sure.
(2:51:51 PM) you deserve happiness
(2:52:34 PM) thanks, you deserve happiness too.
(2:52:58 PM) the way i was brought up without love and affection when it comes to a relationship I knw that I am very demanding
(2:53:34 PM) honestly I donot htink there is anyone out there that would ever be good for me.
(2:54:04 PM) I just need alot of affection and love to make up all the years that I have missed out on in my life.
(2:54:20 PM) I have so many issues Iknow that
(2:54:23 PM) and this would be a good reason to have a chat with Dr. D.

Second suggestion to go back to counselling.

(2:54:29 PM) I do try so hard
(2:55:14 PM) I do not mean to hurt you Ihope you know that.I think down deep inside that you are the one though.but then at times i think not.
(2:55:35 PM) I guess dr D would be good one to talk to about this
(2:55:39 PM) yes.
(2:56:03 PM) but I think you have the right to know to how I feel.
(2:56:15 PM) I believe in being totally honest about things like this
(2:57:29 PM) and usually I could not discuss this I would be afraid of losing you and at times I really am. I  just do not know how I feel. I get depressed about how I look all the time I am not happy with my self how am I to be happy with anyone else. right?
(2:57:56 PM) this is yet another reason to talk with Dr. D

Number three

(2:57:57 PM) I lack self esteem
(2:58:23 PM) Iknow you tell me how you think Ilook just have a hard time believing it.
(2:59:07 PM) do you really love me?
(2:59:41 PM) yes.
(2:59:53 PM) are you happy seriuosly?
(3:00:15 PM) yes.
(3:00:45 PM) so are you making the chicken on the grill I guess when you get home tonight
(3:00:51 PM) yes.
(3:01:05 PM) Madison has erica here I have no idea what to make them
(3:01:25 PM) chicken nuggets, quick, cheap, easy.
(3:01:27 PM) they eat it.
(3:01:30 PM) problem solved.
(3:01:37 PM) think so?
(3:02:18 PM) I really wanted to get away from here for the weekend,but I understand.
(3:02:55 PM) we'll be going on vacation for a week next month
(3:03:07 PM) I guess so
(3:03:28 PM) if we get bored we may come back early though
(3:03:53 PM) the sun may be to much all those days
(3:04:01 PM) what ever you want to do.
(3:04:08 PM) I'd like to take the motorcycle too
(3:04:17 PM) just have to wait and see how it goes I guess
(3:04:25 PM) no your not taking the motorcylce honey
(3:04:50 PM) can we trailer it?
(3:04:57 PM) why?
(3:05:21 PM) do you want to take it honey?
(3:05:38 PM) I'd like to Malcolm or your sister can watch the kids for a few hours or so.
(3:06:06 PM) what does that have to do with the motorcycle?
(3:06:19 PM) so you and I can take a ride somewhere.
(3:06:35 PM) like where do you know where?
(3:06:39 PM) no.
(3:06:51 PM) where ever the road goes? Either Maine or Florida.
(3:07:12 PM) are you seriuos or are you just pulling my leg
(3:07:41 PM) about ME/FL? yes, I'm pulling your leg, taking the motorcycle, no.
(3:08:01 PM) I figured as much
(3:08:16 PM) well we will have to see about that one
(3:08:21 PM) ok.
(3:08:41 PM) I am not sure about that becasue of the gas prices and all
(3:09:21 PM) now I am really pissed off
(3:09:34 PM) why?
(3:09:35 PM) Aaron just came in and got all mud all over my carpert
(3:09:54 PM) ok, well you show him how to clean it, and I'll finish what I have to do, that will learn him.
(3:10:07 PM) he put his dirt bike on the proch and locked it up for sunday too.
(3:10:32 PM) ok
(3:10:41 PM) I love you honey, I miss you too
(3:10:45 PM) see you soon.
(3:10:49 PM) love you, see you soon
(3:10:51 PM) bye honey
(3:10:55 PM) bye sweetie

Plus I feel like she wasted three hours of my time when I should be working.

I come home, make dinner, we work out, everythign seems fine. I ask her what she wants to do next after we're done, she insists that there's no time to do anything. I say sure there is it's only 7:00 p.m. She says nothing. I ask her over and over what she wants to do and she can't come up with anything. There are dozens of things I want to do, but I know in the mood she's in, I can't do anything without her. She's on the front porch. I tell her I need to get something and I'll be right back. I get it and now she's downstairs, inside. I stand on the front porch and wait for her. And wait. And finally I decide to see where she's at, she's on the back porch now. So I go back on the back porch. I ask again what she wants to do.
Well it's time for me to get a shower and go to bed. So I walk in the shower, take off my shirt and I hear THUD THUD THUD, I open the bathroom door and the crazy bitch is kicking the wall. I grab her and throw her on the floor. I tell her to stop acting like a psycho. Madison walks in and is crying, screaming saying she's calling the cops. I beg her not to and try to take the phone. She says she's calling her dad, which will be just as bad.
Finally we both calm down, she's crying claiming all I want to do all the time is work out, work out, work out. She says it's an obsession for me. I say no, all you had to do was say you didn't want to work out. And besides everything seemed fine. She says she wanted to go for a motorcycle ride, I said she should have mentioned it when I came home. She says I never take any time off for her. I tell her that we're going on vacation in three weeks. And actually, I'll be home early the following day, but I don't say anything because if I say it and for any reason I can't, I get in more trouble so I no longer say that.
Finally she's completely calm and I tell her what she's going to do the following day. I feel like a controlling asshole, but I don't know what to do.

• Call several places she put applications in or sent a resume.
• Call Dr. D. and schedule an appointment
• Some other stuff I forget

I get a shower, we go to bed, the whole time I'm eating her pussy I just keep thinking about how she ruined my life and I wish I knew how to get out.

She's sick and asks me to come home early. I do. And the following day too. Each time I come home, watch the kids and work on my motorcycle, because that way everyone is out of her hair and she can rest.

The following day we're having a pot-luck party at work. I made some food and she says "now remember, only certian people are allowed to eat this". My GOD WOMAN! GIVE THE FUCK UP ALREADY! Even if she said it as a joke, it's not funny.

Another example of why she shouldn't bug me at work.  At 13:01 it just blows up and I give up and excuse myself by claiming I need to do work. Which is absolutely true, because I did nothing of any value all freaking week long. I didn't work out, I didn't do work, I didn't show up to work on time. This woman and her antics are killing me and I don't know how to get out. I just can't get out and I can't take it any more and I don't know what the fuck to do.

(11:51:14) her: hi you there
(11:51:14) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(11:58:12) me: hi honey!
(11:58:27) her: so how is it going
(11:58:39) me: so far, so good, how is it going over there?
(11:58:56) her: its going nothing really
(11:59:05) me: what are the kids up to
(11:59:24) her: Malcolm in bed of course,Madison has erika here now

Notice how long it took me to respond, an no irate response?

(11:59:35) me: ok, I thought you said no friends yesterday?
(11:59:53) her: well I guess that was yesterday.
(12:00:05) so how do you feel?
(12:00:16) I think I only got like maybe 5 hurs of sleep
(12:00:26) that sucks

Five hours is pretty close to average for me so I can work as much as I do.

(12:00:29) me too
(12:01:33) I was awake until like 230 then I got awake with you and was up forever again went back to bed at 730 I heardyou come home after the loading docks and did you get another shower when you got come because your black fuzzies was in the shower floor again
(12:01:49) no shower
(12:02:18) why is there fuzzies in the shower floor because we all got showers and it was not in there
(12:02:47) I don't know honey
(12:03:06) somebody is breaking into our house, wearing my socks and using our shower
(12:03:28) yeah right
(12:03:33) check the pantry, see if they've been eating our porridge too
(12:03:46) its all gone

The conversation is going great,then it takes a shit all over itself.

(12:08:42) well sort of I was feeling good last night but now I am not sure how I feel.I did alot of thinking last night since I had alot of time
(12:09:10) since you would not do it with me I like tried like for 2 hours you did not want anything to do with me.
(12:09:37) I'm sorry I was too tired for sex last night
(12:10:05) you knew I was only going to get at best six hours, but that's before you account for Madison running all over the house last night when I was trying to sleep
(12:10:11) yeah you were thiniking about it in your sleep though you yelled at me and I am still mad about that too.
(12:10:26) when did I yell at you?
(12:11:56) well of course you were talking n your sleep and said ni=umbers out loud and I said to you who number is that and you said in a mean tone DONT WORRY ABOUT IT AND THEN I SAID WELL DONT SAY NUMBERS OUTLOUD THEN AND YOU SAID I SAID DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT.
(12:12:21) that made me angry.
(12:12:29) ok, I have no recallection of that
(12:12:58) you say alot of things you do not recall
(12:13:55) why didnt you say that you did not want sex last night instead of making me try for like 2 hours.
(12:14:22) cause I was sleeping?
(12:14:36) you know I was trying thugh
(12:14:55) I was sleeping, I didn't know anytihing
(12:15:19) you said I was going to the bathroom and I will be right back and you went right back to sleep and you did kiss me though
(12:15:38) no I didn't
(12:16:00) you went to the bathrom at 130 even Madison ask why you were up at 130
(12:16:17) why would I say you went to bathroom if you didnt
(12:16:23) no, when I got up Madison was sleeping, I had to get dressed in the dark.
(12:16:31) well I don't remember going to the bathroom
(12:16:47) no you went to the bathroom at 130 you got up for the loading docks at 320
(12:17:09) ok, well I don't remember other than getting up late for fedex
(12:19:07) I bet you would not have been to tired to workon the dirt bike though
(12:19:19) I went to bed, I didn't work on the dirt bike
(12:19:58) no what I am saying is you been working on that the last 2 nghts though and you were not to tired for that 
(12:20:15) I stopped doing that at 7:30
(12:21:00) well what did you do from 730 to 830 then?
(12:21:10) spent time with you
(12:21:16) at 830 we did matts pictures
(12:21:38) and from 8:30 to 9:30, I helped you order Malcolm's pictures, got a shower and tried to go to sleep, but Maddy wouldn't stop running around the house.
(12:22:24) it was proably all of us walking around and do you remember I did the treadmil at 1100 last night for 23 minutes
(12:22:36) no
(12:22:56) well I did
(12:23:59) so tonight you have to finish the dirtbike right? 
(12:24:13) what ever you want to do
(12:24:32) no, you said last night you were finishing that.
(12:25:32) well, I have a feeling now, that this project is causing problems. Yesterday I thought everything is ok, but clearly it's not, so I'll sell it as is, and hopefully I won't lose too much money
(12:26:42) since you're not telling me no, I assume this is what you want
(12:27:29) no there is limits I do not like getting ignored when it comes to sex that makes me feel really bad and neglected I do not like that feeling.
(12:27:43) do you understand why I "ignored" you?
(12:28:22) no, you could have said honey I am to tired but you did not say that you left me keep trying over and over and that really hurt my feelings.
(12:28:45) well you think that I did it on purpose, I was sleeping.
(12:28:59) you know how sensitive I am when it come to that
(12:29:10) you know how little sleep I get
(12:29:21) you just said that is why you ignored me so you were aware of it
(12:29:43) no that's why I put "ignored" in quotes, because you call it "ignore" I call it "sleeping"
(12:31:31) can you agree with this quote though
(12:31:40) sex is not important to you?

Not as important as it is to her.

(12:31:48) no, I disagree
(12:34:02) but that is how you make me think.You make me think that Its only important when you want it or should I say when i get upset then its important.I feel like you could proably do without for awhile and it would not bug you though.maybe I am wrong but this is how I feel.
(12:34:53) here's how I feel. Everything on April's terms on April's timetable regardless of anyone else's needs.
(12:35:27) but if it was up to you we would not do it though.
(12:35:51) If I did not want it then that would be bad again wouldnt it?
(12:36:22) I am just telling you how  I feel
(12:37:05) you know that last night I was looking at no more than six hours of sleep, probably five, but instead of either coming to bed when I needed to go to bed, letting me sleep and keeping the kids reasonably quiet, to wake me up maybe an hour before the alarm went off, you tried to wake me up in the middle of a dead sleep so you could get mad at me.
(12:37:13) that's how I feel
(12:37:43) see when we have sex it makes me feel good,but when we dont it makes me feel  bad.that is how it makes me feel
(12:38:19) no i am not doing this to get made at you
(12:38:25) you are so wrong about that
(12:39:15) well that's the way it appears to me. You know my schedule. You know I get hardly any sleep, why can't you work around that a little?
(12:39:35) and other night s I do come to bed with you but last night I had to get kids to be quiet so anyways I told Madison no more friends over for awhile to sleep over it just causes to many problems.
(12:40:24) but then I could say it all on Karls terms and timetable.
(12:40:54) so I have a choice either go to bed with you or i go without.Right?
(12:42:01) no, wake me up at 2:00 and see what happens? Maybe wait till I come home, tell Sylvia to keep Madison occupied? Why not before dinner or after? It's still fits into my sleeping/work schedule and you get to decide when.

Sylvia is the next door neighbor's daughter.

(12:42:20) and on monday night I was sick and we went to bed at 900 right?
(12:42:51) whats the different between 130 and 200?
(12:43:03) you were sick
(12:43:16) but when you get home its dinner and working out though
(12:43:26) what's the difference between 12:00 and 2:00? You said you were trying for two hours, so you were trying at 12:00, not 1:30
(12:43:43) I was trying so many times Chuck
(12:43:52) I would kiss you nothing
(12:44:08) I was sleeping
(12:44:10)  would play with you and you actually got a hard on but nothing
(12:44:18) I was sleeping
(12:44:43) then you say I am going to the bathroom but come right back kiss me right back to sleep
(12:45:14) I was sleeping, you must have woken me up enough to realize I had to take a piss, but not enough to be concious, it's like sleep walking.
(12:45:58) and when i do try when you get home think about it you are dirty
(12:46:07) I do not like dirt when I have sex 
(12:46:30) well if you ask me to get a shower when I get home, i won't object.
(12:46:43) I am not the type who cares if a person is clean or not
(12:46:47) you know why i get showers before going to bed, it's convenient and it helps with my allergies.
(12:47:14) I know that but you said about after work that is the other problem
(12:47:55) so why not ask me to get a shower, come down stairs and join you?
(12:48:00) seriuosly I do try to understand 
(12:48:22) but my feeling need to be taken as well
(12:48:33) I know you work hard but there is still limits.
(12:49:53) so i guess really my choices are either I come right to bed with you or i just have to wait until whenever that is how I see it though.
(12:50:25) no, as I explained before, the shower works prior to 8:30 p.m.
(12:50:55) not when you need to work out or work on other things see there is always something else 
(12:52:02) you can ask you know.
(12:52:19) do I really have to ask?
(12:52:35) isnt that something that should just be something that we both want.
(12:52:49) at all times?
(12:53:29) no, you don't have to ask, you can grab my hand, drag me in the shower with you, that's even better
(12:53:38) maybe I feel more strong for you,that you do not need it as much I try to understand I know I am very demanding with sex I just have to have it or I cannot function.
(12:54:16) is your sex desire lesson?
(12:54:50) no, but I understand that if I wait till you're ready to go to bed, I will get no sleep at all, which is very dangerous and I kinda like being not dead
(12:55:00) I try not to make you feel bad I mean really I do not 
(12:55:09) I just have to let you know how it makes me feel.
(12:55:49) I understand, but you know how you feel right now on five hours of sleep?
(12:55:49) If you really think about it I do come to bed with you most of the time.
(12:56:00) actually I am not tired
(12:56:07) I feel pretty good
(12:56:17) ok, well do that for the next couple of months, then tell me how you feel.
(12:56:19) other then miserable from not having sex
(12:56:31) it makes me feel bad like a bad person for feeling like this
(12:57:06) so tonight, come to bed with me and I'll wake you up when I get up and you stay awake and again tomorrow. Or, go to bed when I get up and get up at 9:00 a.m. stay up all day and do it again
(12:57:28) fine I will
(12:57:49) I wont go to bed at all if thats what you want
(12:58:25) no, I'm trying to make a point, and just like last night with your purse, you won't understand until I show you.
(12:59:17) no see that was totally different becasue I do not snoop in your bank account.all I do is check your phone and really I could care less if you check mine I have nothing to hide
(12:59:25) I talk to noone i text noone
(13:00:12) no, it's exactly the same'
(13:00:15) and no matter what Isay I am wrong Itry to explain to you why but you refuse tose it that way.
(13:00:43) ok well then I willstart loking at your check book and see who you make checks out to or spend your money on.
(13:01:00) see, it doesn't matter that you consider your checkbook private, I have no reason to think there's anything in it that there shouldn't be. If I thought there was, I'd tell you we should break up. And I wish you had the same respect for me.
(13:01:13) Imean we have been together for 6 years and I have nothing to hide
(13:02:21) ok so you aresaying that you can do what you want and not tellme things is that what you are saying.
(13:02:38) I really wish I could get you to see how I feel
(13:02:56) no, what I'm saying is if you think I'm cheating, break up with me, if you don't respect me enough to stop looking and making me feel like I'm doing something wrong
(13:03:01) I really would like to explain it over and over again and I think you could possibly understand
(13:03:29) you see it that way 
(13:03:41) see its all in communication
(13:04:05) see you are so easliy to want to break up all the time.
(13:04:21) thats why I feel the way I do most of the time
(13:04:37) it makes me feel like you really do not care and do not want this to work out.
(13:05:08) it makes me feel like I am the bad person
(13:05:13) I feel the way I do because of the way you treat my stuff, you snoop through my phone like I'm cheating on you, I've done nothing but you make me feel as though I have, which does not feel good.
(13:06:08) ok can I ask you this?
(13:07:21) you know I have not made any accusATIONs though
(13:07:41) my feelings get hurt very easliy
(13:08:11) please treating me like my feelings get hurt very easily
(13:08:23) what do you mean
(13:08:42) what do you mean?
(13:09:02) I mean, treat me the way you want to be treated.
(13:09:14) I told you last night  I made you a promise that I would not look at your phone anymore and I am not

Remember this for the future...

(13:09:22) I keep my promises you know tht
(13:09:40) just like the phone thing, you seemed to have no problem with any part of your purse except your checkbook, but I've never looked to make you feel guilty
(13:09:52) all that phone has done was cause problems though
(13:10:48) why does it make you feel quilty I donot understand that ata ll
(13:11:41) what we need is time for us again its been to much work and to kids we need some time to ourselves
(13:12:51) all I know is that I really love you and I do not mean to make you feel quilty about anything
(13:12:51) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(13:13:13) good, so last night you said that you were going to stop doing those things, and I hope you keep that promise
(13:13:37) I keep my promises unlike some people
(13:14:19) who is "some people"?
(13:14:41) noone keeps there promises to mean they always break them to me.
(13:15:47) like who?
(13:16:42) honey you said something to me like 3 or 4 years ago and it just came out not to long ago that your feelings towards that has change that is what Imean]
(13:17:12) what are you talking about?
(13:17:18) actually today is 6 years ago that you told me that you love me I have not forgotten that

Six years? Damn.

(13:17:45) yes, I love you and I take good care of you.
(13:18:21) yes you do
(13:18:57) and yes it was very nice of you to come home and take care of the kids for me the last 2 days
(13:20:33) and i take care of you too, the house and the laundry and things outside like the grass so forth
(13:21:11) I never said you didn't
(13:21:22) well I never said you didnt either
(13:21:45) why are you somad at me?
(13:21:50) now what did I do?
(13:22:01) I'm not mad
(13:22:56) do you need a break from me? DO YOU WANT A BREAK FROM ME?
(13:23:15) am I that a bad person?
(13:23:37) I am calling dr ditiz and making appt
(13:23:51) you are not a bad person.
(13:24:02) I feel that way
(13:24:05) thank you, I'm glad that you're going to talk to Dr. D.
(13:24:17) I feel like I should not be here
(13:24:33) I feel as though since you did not answer that question its a yes
(13:24:36) brb, Bill (my boss' boss)
(13:28:28) well if I did not answer the question, maybe it's cause Bill's over my shoulder, this is going to tak e a bit, give me 15 minutes or so
(13:28:41) ok
(13:44:24) back
(13:44:50) ok
(13:45:14) so did everyone eat the chicken gumbo?
(13:45:24) or shouldnt I ask that?
(13:45:48) I don't know, it's in the kitchen, I hope people ate enough that I don't have to bring the whole thing home again
(13:46:31) did you check to make sure that its not empty and its still turned n I do not want anything to happen to my crock pot.
(13:46:50) no, I will
(13:47:41) well if they did nt eat it I would just throw the rest away I would not eat it after who knows who did what to it.

For the record, none of my coworkers would "do what to it".

(13:49:33) back
(13:49:44) did I tell you that Malcolm wants to have a party here at the house on friday.but its not going to happen becasue i am not going to jail for supplying mininors with alcohol 
(13:50:06) so did everyone at it?
(13:50:25) no, and I agree.
(13:50:51) looks like some of it is gone, I'm going to send an email to a couple people not in the dept. to eat more of it.
(13:51:16) so I take it did not go over then?
(13:51:38) somewhat, but there's still some left
(13:55:22) cna classes are at the hospital in town wherever that is so I guess that is out of the question.
(13:55:22) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(13:56:55) hmm, let me look, you sure it's here and not in the city?
(13:57:23) yes it was on the first one last night
(13:57:33) I already looked it up
(13:57:48) (hospital address and phone number)
(13:59:07) yeah, that's near the state line
(13:59:36) so that is out of the question.
(14:00:23) unless i move there but cant do that unless i stay there for a month and come back with my licsense but i do not think i can dothat
(14:01:47) yeah, that's a little too much work.
(14:02:14) I just do not know what to do 
(14:02:24) brb Madison wants ice cream
(14:03:42) what to do about what?
(14:03:48) brb
(14:05:46) back
(14:06:24) I do not know what I am doing about a job,I guess when we get back from vacation I will go tot the loading docks and keep looking for a better job 
(14:06:59) ok.
(14:07:08) plus when I get back I am going to domestic and I am telling Doug that too
(14:07:16) good idea
(14:07:53) these are his freakin kids and he needs to take better care of them I am telling him I am tired of being his freakin mother
(14:08:39) true
(14:08:50) they are as much as his as mine and it is time he starts being there father I am tired of being the one who worries about everyhting with them
(14:10:13) speaking of the ass he just had Aaron call me to tellme that he is coming up here and for me to get his freakin check cashed well one good thing I have money then too.
(14:10:43) yes, that's good
(14:10:51) so Aaron is going to be home tonight?
(14:11:14) no, but he will be here to see what you have done to it so far
(14:11:43) I guess I will see his expression
(14:11:53) ok, well that's good
(14:12:10) I wish I had the headers on at least, but it's a big improvement, don't ya think?
(14:12:20) yes
(14:12:33) its your toy

Ordinary conversation which does include a mention to teaching her to ride a motorcycle of some type.

(14:26:39) so on a scale from 1 to 10 what would you rate me as?
(14:28:08) hello
(14:28:08) <AUTO-REPLY>: I'm here, give me a moment to im you back.
(14:28:50) 10
(14:29:02) sorry, doing something a little complicated, didn't want it screwed up
(14:29:33) its ok
(14:31:45) well I think Doug and I will have a fight today becasue i am laying things out on the table when he gets here I do not know how it is gonna go I do not see it going well though.
(14:32:20) well may be, who knows with him.

Several lines of mundane stuff, including a mention of a friend and coworker.

(14:34:25) he's a good guy
(14:35:12) yup I like him he never did anything to piss me off and I know How much he is into terri and know he would never even think about cheating on her

That came out of the blue. No mention of him cheating ever.

(14:36:06) ok... I don't think of my friends as good/bad based on the stabilty of their relationship, but ok
(14:37:37) well I do I think anyone who hangs out with someone who does not respect there wife or girlfriend and someone hangs out with them then it would not be long until he would do the same 
(14:37:53) ok
(14:38:05) but if you choose good friends then there is no worry
(14:38:22) because then I would never doubt the indivual
(14:39:50) ok
(14:40:06) I think chris is ok i really do not know him to know how dedicated he is to angie but they did buy a house together soIwould think he would be ok
(14:40:36) why buuy soemthing together if there is doubts.
(14:40:48) and they are MARRIED
(14:42:10) yeah, if a man/woman are married and he's abusive, that's ok, cause they're married.
if a man/woman are married and they cheat on each other, that's ok cause they're married.
if a man/woman are married and don't get along, that's ok, cause they're married.
(14:42:21) marriage does not make everything better and I still don't see any reason to do it.
(14:43:09) however, in Rob's case is an excellent reason not to, because had they not gotten married, his lesbian wife wouldn't be holding him hostage to make him miserable
(14:43:21) you have to much negative towards marriage it can be good
(14:43:40) not being married can be good too. Look at Unc and Midge
(14:43:52) its what yuo both put forth and how much you love one another
(14:44:04) yeah you want to be just like him
(14:44:07) whether you're married or not
(14:44:23) yes but marriage is important to some peopl
(14:44:45) makes them feel better about there realtionship too.
(14:44:49) sorry, you're not going to convince me that marriage has any benefit
(14:44:51) makes things seem more real
(14:45:04) and not so easy to just pick up and leave
(14:45:14) you do realize that it's going to cost you about $5,000 MORE per year being married than not?
(14:45:19) maybe even more than that.
(14:45:37) why did you tell me this like 5 years ago on how you felt about marriage
(14:45:42) why do you say that?
(14:46:03) because you'd no longer be eligible for getting back everything you pay in taxes
(14:46:41) well that is ok by me money is not everyhting though
(14:47:35) you told me when I ask you years ago if you wouldmarry me you said yes and now since about a year ago everything on that prospective has changed
(14:48:01) what did I do to change that?
(14:48:29) my opinion of marriage has changed.
(14:48:45) is it just me I feel as though if we were not together then you would find someone else you would marry whoever
(14:48:56) why has it cjanged though?
(14:49:45) does that mean you feel as though its becasue then there is no ties then right that is why it has changed
(14:49:56) not getting married. period
(14:50:09) what do you mean to me ?
(14:50:32) that's a question for you to answer, a month ago, you said I was the guy who pays the rent
(14:51:06) hney I was just kidding I would never use you 
(14:51:08) never
(14:51:21) If I did not want to be with you Iwould not be here
(14:51:33) you mean so much more tome then that
(14:52:04) why would you even think I would be seriuos about that
(14:52:17) honey you are my everything
(14:52:26) I could not live without you
(14:52:40) shit I am trying not to cry becasue Madison is here
(14:52:53) why cry?
(14:53:19) becasue i am hurt knowing yuou have no plans of ever marryin gme
(14:53:44) that you would proably marry someone esle not me becasue of that sick saying that I said
(14:53:50) like I said, my opinion of marriage is not good, sorry
(14:53:59) no, not getting married, period
(14:54:15) I am confused
(14:54:23) I am not worth marrying right?
(14:54:29) I am nothing
(14:54:33) wrong, no one is worth marrying.
(14:54:40) what am i then?
(14:55:01) what do you mean what are you?
(14:55:16) what do I mean to you then?
(14:55:38) look, what's the difference between someone who is married and us? You're on my health ins, I take good care of you, we live together, we have great sex. Really, waht's teh difference?
(14:55:42) am I just here becasue or amI going to be with you until the end
(14:56:59) becasue when I die where Iam going to be bried I always look at it as when I die and my husband would die we would be togther till the end
(14:57:37) I mean yes Imay go first but sometime down the line Iwould be reuntied again
(14:57:59) ok honey I have to go
(14:58:02) love you
(14:58:16) ok, love you
(14:58:17) bye
(14:58:22) take it Doug's there.
(14:58:45) no I am have to settle down.
(14:58:52) ok, love you, bye
(14:59:04) I guess I have to deal with it
(15:00:54) I mean everything you said is true about the difference there really is none except I do not have your last name
(15:01:08) it's not all it's cracked up to be.
(15:01:23) what marriage?
(15:01:44) I take your friends proably complkain to you about marriage as well
(15:01:59) thats plays part in your opinion of marriage right?>
(15:02:10) no
(15:02:14) you cant make your own decisions on what it may be for you
(15:02:19) its all bad nothing good
(15:02:22) but I gotta get some work done, I have less than an hour to finish
(15:02:23) right?
(15:02:54) ok
(15:03:41) you knoiw you mean far more to me then you paying the rent you need to know that.I would never ever use you for anything
(15:03:54) I am not a user
(15:04:01) gotta go honey.
(15:04:03) love you
(15:04:04) love you bye
(15:04:06) see you when I get home
(15:04:07) byue

Total 393 lines back and forth.

We left for vacation this morning. I had to work at 4:00 like usual, came home got ready and left. She wanted to leave at 7:00 to be at the house we rented by 11:00. But we can't get in until 2:00. We actually left at 7:30. We got lost, ate lunch, wandered around a mall and such. We got there at 2:00 to meet several members of her family who got there an hour earlier.
Later the guy who's dating April's sister made drinks, lots and lots of drinks. He had way way too much to drink and got out of hand. I also had too much to drink and tried hard to keep myself together. I feel bad because I argued that this guy should be allowed to come on vacation with us since he's dating her sister and I am sort of in the same place as he is. Except I'm not an asshole in general. Specifically I'm an asshole, but not in general. That was a mistake. Well, April told me I can go to bed at 11:00 p.m. or so, which was nice since I've been up since 3:00 a.m. and I'm drunk. I took the offer. 

Everything is going pretty well. Well, I thought everything else was fine. She pulls me aside after we've all been having a few drinks and a good time she hits me on the shoulder with her fist and tells me she can't take it any more. She can't take how I look at her sister (not the one dating the drunk). She used to be that skinny and she can't help it. And I tell her I don't have a clue what she's talking about. I try to defuse the situation and fortunately it works. I'm thinking that if this goes on any longer, I'll somehow get out of the house, call my little brother and ask him to collect my sorry ass. I should be able to walk out to a place far enough away that she can't find me but he can while calling him to get me.