Doug took April and the kids on "vacation" to Ocean City or some place with a beach.

I was going to my moms house to work, after all she's been baby sitting my dog for months, I can at least help her out.

I got back about 10:00 p.m. There was message from April that I better not be cheating on her and I better not have the dog in the house.

I feel like picking up my dog and changing the locks.

My boss called me at home and left a message while April and I went for a walk.

He said "Chuck, Jill ----- was killed in a car accident. I know you were pretty tight, so I wanted you to know. I'm sorry I have to leave this on your answering machine. Call me if there's anything I can do."

April got the message, I heard it in the background.

April asked who's Jill? I said "Oh, someone who worked in the company, she delivered mail or something". I knew not to bring up who she was or what she really meant to me. She was a dear friend and I miss her, I miss her just because she left the company. My god, I never thought she'd die.

I tried to act normal as I grieve for my friend. I'm not crying, I don't want to. All I can think is how much of an ass I was when she called me last. I brushed her off. You were the best salesman we ever had, you were a confidont and adviser. I miss you.

RIP Jill 10-04-03 

I got past the shock of the news about Jill.

I can't quite beleive it myself. She was only 28, how could she be dead?

I told April who Jill was. She yells "The fucking bitch got what she deserved!".

I was horrified.

I went to the bedroom, closed and locked the door. And sat there.

What the fuck! Holy shit, I don't beleive what I heard.

April knocks on the door. "Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

I said "The April I knew would never say something like that."

She begged me to forgive her. I told her I did. This is going to take a while to get over. What kind of person says that about a complete stranger? I would never say that about my worst enemy, I'm so confused. 

Jill's funeral is today at 10.

I am so sad.

April gave me shit earlier in the week about going to the funeral. To keep peace, I'm not going. But she just won't leave me be.

so what time are you leaving forthe funeral?
what did you wear?
I'm not. I just can't do it.
why?
My usual.
why can't you do it?

Cause you'll hold it against me? Cause you lashed out at me and yelled at the top of your lungs "The bitch got what she deserved"? Cause I'm afraid you'll make me feel worse?

I don't want to go. I just want to get on and forget about it.
why can't you do it?
you are to be honest remember?

 I've tried honesty, you've taught me that there are somethings I'm not able to be honest about, you hold them against me, you demean me for them.

Yes, I don't want to go. I dont' want to be there I just want to move on.
I do not understanmd
I mean oviuosly she did not mean anything to you

Thank you, kick me when I'm down.

If the funeral was Mon. or Tues. it would be different.
why?
what does it matter what day of the week it is?
Help me understand?
I'm throught the mourning process, I don't want to get back into that again.
I'm not normal in that respect at all.

My beliefs when it comes to funerals are not normal. But today, I'm feeling as most people would. Most of my coworkers have left for the funeral. I'm at my desk, trying desperately to hold back tears. 

no you didn't
why not?
you did not show any remorse here

Remorse isn't' the word she wanted. I didn't kill her. But that doesn't matter.

I don't do that.
you really have no idea do you?
no, show me, please.
Chuck I can't you need to do this on your own
I'm done. I'm over it, and I want to move on.
I dont' want to go some place with a bunch of sad people.
I don't want to feel that way.
If you would of ask me sooner in the week about the funeral maybe I would of going but see you don;t want me involved in your personal life

 I do want you involved in my personal life. I don't want to be ridiculed or have my long-term friends bashed because of their gender. Oh, and you hated Jill for no reason other than she was a woman. You and she would have gotten along great. Maybe if you weren't so damn jealous, you would have known why she and I were close.

what?
Yes, I do.
Please don't get mad at me for this.
I said I hate funerals, I don't want to go.
Chuck what will your co-workers think?
What will that say to Palmer?
brb

 I told my co-workers, I can't handle going. That's all they need to know.

Palmer asked if I was going, I said I'd pass.
As far as the co-workers, they'll probably not think about it too much.
somebody stole my print out.

I changed the subject.

Later my co-workers came back. I went out to smoke. One told me about the funeral. I wish I had gone. They played "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. It was her favorite song. Jill, I miss you so much. I don't know why I wasn't strong enough to stand up for our friendship.

I'm glad I didn't miss the dance, but I wish I hadn't let someone else cut in. 

My mom called me again to tell me I need to find out where my dog is getting out. I told her I'd be over as soon as possible. I don't know when that is, every time it comes up April gets mad and makes me miserable.

Five minutes after I hung up the phone, mom called back to tell me my dog is dead. She got hit by a car.

I love that dog. She was like my kid.

April tells me I shouldn't worry, she had a good life. Fuck her. The dog was three years old. Three. She didn't have to die. She was obviously looking for me, wondering where I am. That's why she kept escaping. 

A half hour later April wants to have sex. Like I want to have sex now. She tells me that if I want, she'll leave. What the hell good is that going to do? Hey, look an empty house, I can finally have my dog back! Yea! My dead dog can now come back in my house cause April decided to leave!

Fuck her.

The next morning I wake up and cry while taking a dump. I feel horrible. I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life, and I was just trying to help someone out, who I did wrong. I never should have gotten involved with that woman. 

 All I know is yesterday, I couldn't get a cigarette lit at the pool. I kneeled down behind a pool chair to block the wind, when I saw April a little later, she was mad as all get out. This is the aftermath.

(11:32:25) hi honey.
yeah
so is everybody up?
yup
how do you feel?
ok wrist is a little sore\
I'm sorry sweetie.
thia is weird orchard bank said they received my credit card payment of the 143.24 but i sent them a check
that's kinda cool that they send you a notice if you mail them a check.
but do you think thats what they meant
yes.,
they recieved my check
ok
what's Maddy up to?
eating my lollipop which Aaron is hving a fit about
why?
becasue he wanted it
so they are fighting
that sucks.
yeah that my life
no honey.
yes,thats all people do is aggrvate me
no.
yes
no.
well i think i should know
that's not true.
everyone like to hurt and destory me
no.
its there thrill
what?
making me feel like crap
no honey.
thats all they do
no.
well I am still upset about yesterday my days are always miserable with you
come on honey.
you know it
no.
you do everything to mess it all up
no.
i try to have a nice day and you have a way of always ruining it
what did I do?
you know it
no.
from yesterday
I still do not see how what I did could offend you.
yes you know how i feel and you didn't do anything about it
to make me feel any different
I tried.
I tried to talk to you about it.
the damage was already done at that point
I was hurt and very upset
what 'damage' I didn't do anything.
I saw the way it look
my eyes saw it
what ever you think it looked like, it wasn't.
you didn't try tp make it look any different
you look so ridicuous hovering over that fat bitch
if I was doing something wrong, I might try to make it look different. The fact remains, I did nothing wrong.
I wasn't hovering, I was at least five feet behind her.
yeah right
I was.
no you weren't you were right up on her
no I wasn't.
until i was lookinga t you then you stood up and back away
no.
yes
no.
well still if that is what you like a fat ugle bitch then go for it you will be the loser
for the last time I DON'T WANT GAIL.
at least I am pretty and i can lose weight somehow
I can have any guy out there
you are pretty, but you don't need to lose weight. you look great.
If i would try hard enough
i could have a new boyfriend most likely this weekend
if i really wanted it
yeah you could have Gail
I don't know why you're even talking like that.
I DON'T WANT GAIL.
she would fuck anything she can get her hands on
if you could find her pussy in all that fat
I am sure you would enjoy that
READ WHAT I AM SAYING: I DON'T WANT GAIL.
she would fuck you with the lights on
you know the things you like best
You.
that I can't giv you
you think i humilated you well you did that to me
how?
by neglecting me making me feel like shit
I did not neglect you.
all yes you did
no I didn't.
you did not help out with Madison maybe out of the 3 hours you help maybe 30 minutes
thats being generous
if dana wasn't there i would have been all alone and you did not give a dam
I did help, then you got mad, and that's when I went with Aaron, trying to let you cool down.
but when I came back you didn't what am I to do? Stand there and be humilated more?
yeah well it mad eit worse
I am sure if GAil was there you would have been with her
I didn't do anything, you flipped out on me for no reason. If you thougth I was doing something, you should have walked over and seen I was doing nothing and then we wouldn't be in this situation.
no. FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON'T WANT GAIL.
think about ititting in back of her swating like you do and see how it looks
why would anyone kneel down behind someone like that
I kneeled down to get my lighter.
and stay like that for like at least 5 minutes if not more
I was going to light my cigarette and the lighter wouldn't light.
I was going to put it right back in my shoe after it lit, which is what I did.
well all i know I am very hurt
like i said before,you ruin my everything i try to do to have some fun
how did I ruin it?
no matter what it is
when we are with gail
you do everything to piss me off and hurt me
I do nothing to piss you off.
just like the bowijg thing
I pay for all this shit and get hurt by doing it
I get tried of being shit on
I do not do that.
well how would you say it you think i am as fat as gail
to go up and hug her
I do not think you are as fat as gail.
thinking its me
you are not fat.
thats a huge mistake and humilating to me
you had the same color sweatshirt on earlier in the day, the black lights make things look funny.
thinkijng that even could be me
no i had pink on
still I am not that fat to even think that would be me
you had my grey St. Johns sweatshirt on before we went bowling.
even if my clohing is big I am still not that fat
to even think that would be me
no you are not fat, but you do wear your clothes big, especially shirts.
she has at last 70 pounds on me
how can a big shirt make that of a difference
I have tried to explain this over and over. If the roles would be reversed. That you ran up and mistakenly thought another guy was me. I probably would have seen the humor in it.
it does make a difference.
no not knowing all the shit you did to me in the past
how am i to think and knowing her backround as well you both would go for it
thinking its just one time liets go for it
huh?
fuck with April
I TOLD YOU BEFORE, i DON'T WANT GAIL.
I do not want to 'fuck' with you.
you know it if I wouldnt be around you would fuck her and eat her and enjoy it
no, no and no.
thinking alll this is exciting
PLEASE DO NOT SAY i WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH GAIL AGAIN.
who cares how April feels
I think that is a big insult to me.
why does the truth hurt
why you talk and laugh with her and her kids
I'll talk to you later. I'm really tired of being accused of doing something I never did.
bye
yeah right
the truth hurts and you know it
I asked you nicely to stop. I told you at least 50 times that I do not want gail.
i wished if the kids weren't here I woul dhave called the cops on yu last night
and got charges put on you
just becasue i was going to hurt myself did not give you the right to hurt me and i was defendng myself
I was defending myself.
to get you off me
no you had no rigt getting on top of me you should have left me alone
you bit me.
you are alot stronger then me and i need to do whatever to get you off me
you hurt me and i was very upet with you
I didn't do anything to hurt you.
gives yu no right to mess up my arm or wrist
I didn't do that on purpose.
thats what you think see
you have no idea how i feel or care for that matter
that's what i 'think' no, that's what I know.
you think you are not int he wrong and that justifys it
you can do whatever to hurt me
no, that's not a justification. I know I am not in the wrong, and bending your wrist was an accident.
no I don't.
I do nothing to hurt you.
all ok so you can mess around my so called friends and its ok
spend more time with her then me
ok, I have told you that I don't do that. I have asked you very nicely not to accuse me of that. I have warned you that I'm not going to keep listening to you accuse me of doing that. That was the last time. Good bye
well i think you owe me big
I did nothing to 'owe you big'
all yes you do
how?
bu=y ruining my night that i paid mostly for
I didn't ruin your night.
by paying for sunday which i did not enjoy
the kids had fun.
I am tried of paying for everything and having you ruin it
how did I ruin it?
when?
by neglecting me that was not fair
I would not have 'neglected' you had you not gotten all mad about sometihing that didn't happen.
we couldl have had a great evening.
well itold you how it looked and you do not understand
I told you how it was and you won't beleive me.
yeah right i never get to have a good time
and you could have asked gail or anyone else there to back it up.
i always get hurt
everyone like to hurt me
no.
yes maybe i should get a tatooe please hurt me
oh stop.
everyone enjoys it
no.
and lets get to go out nd ruin it
I didn't ruin it.
I never get to go out and have a good time
I want you to have a good time.
you always have to fuck me over
I do not fuck you over.
make me feel insecure and not wanted
I don't do that.
make her wanted not me
that is what you were doing trying to make her feel good and not me
ok, that's the last time. I really mean it. I said over and over and over. I DON'T WANT GAIL. but you won't listen. bye
I can't forget it
to much hurt you do not een to try to understand how i feel
you think of yourself and thats how you see it
you don't try to listen to me. I asked you very nicely not to do that and you did it at least a dozen times in this conversation.
you do not even try to run it through your head on hw maybe i could see it different
and you do not try to see how it could be the way I say it was.
thats becasue i know what I saw
see, you won't listen to me.
think about what all went on with us so far
you insist that it happened a certian way, you won't even try to beleive that it could possibly be different.
from th ebegnning and its not changing
what do you mean 'it's not changing'
how am i to believe you?
you keep choosing others over me
I am always your last properity
ok, fine, so you don't beleive me. You could ask someone who was there, who was sitting 10 feet from me, what really happened. and then you would know nothing happened.
you are not my last priority.
you know you have my keys
no, I have my keys.
well that is how i see it
it doesn't have the 'worlds best mother' keychain.
no you don't wherre are mine with my key chain
and it has the rutters key, but not the key to your moms house.
I don't know.
Are they near the microwave?
who knows
I definitely have my set of keys.
ask Maddy, maybe she saw them.
Aaron may have seen them too.
i do not know how to feel anymore
so bad i want to say you know its over but i can't seem to do that
I am treid of being fuck over
I do not fuck you over.
I want to be able to trust the person I am with
please start by beleiving me on this.
I want to feel comfortable
I want you to feel comfortable.
I want to be happy and do things and have a good time
I want you to be happy and have a good time.
well with you doesn't matter
what do you mean it doesn't matter?
you always hurt me becasue you do not think
how did I hurt you?
by doing stupid things
like what?
and i am always to forgive you
you won't ever admit doing anything wrong
I admit doing wrong, and apologize when I do wrong.
just like the last two times i try to go out and have a good time and you end up ruining it
how?
what really get me is I pay for it
I pay for having a bad time
thats not fair
I paid last night too.
bowling and now the swimming
yeah well what a whole 10.00
16.00
I spent at least 35.00
plus sunday which i got no fun at of to cold
the kids had fun.
another 38.00
so lets compare
78.00 for what a fight
and a hurt arm
I didn't start it.
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing with gail.
plus the money when we went out to westgate
which ened up ruined as well another 28.00 plus 19.00
so i am spending allthis money for a bad time
not fair
you should make me feel good not bad
I try to make you feel good. I do nothing intentionally to make you feel bad.
The bowling alley, that was really embarrasing for me, to make that mistake.
so that what you think
If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have been mad.
I would have felt embarrased for you.
well I am different
but not mad.
thats becasue you trust me
Last night, I still dont' see how on earth you could see anything going on there, cause there was nothign.
so you see things so different
that's because it was exactly what it was, mistaken identity.
who knows the way it look the way you kneeled down and back behing her so obviuos
so obvious nothing was going on.
you know how i feel and you do not understand me
i tell you over and over but it does not sink in
do you know how I feel when I tell you time and time again that I would never cheat on you, and you still accuse me of it?
the only time you want to be all over me is when th ekids are around and its unapproicate
That's not true.
all y es it is
no it's not.
when we are out you do not want to be seen with me
not true.
you just want people to think I am your friend
nothing more
no.
you say you made a mistake from the getto well how am i to feel
if you did it then why wouldn't you do it now
first, there is a big difference.
what si the difference
when you met me, all you wanted was an affair, right?
so you are gonna say you weren't in love with me and it was right
I have apologized for this time and time again.
what do you want me to do?
no not really
see there is nothing you can dothe damage is done
my trust for you is gone
you hurt me so many wasy
first of all the shower thing
with kristie
ok, I've apologized for that. I can't change the past.
seconandly the sex thing not being able to do it with her here
telling her how good I am when it was none of her fucking business
and then taking me that party and not coming home with me when you even said you would when we left here
I tried to explain that to you, but you don't beleive me.
then all this stuff with Katherine alice standing me up
then when i get a friend you want more time with her then me
I am not doing this anymore. Stop saying that. bye
how am i to feel?
why can't you understand where I am coming from
why can't you?
why can't you understand how I feel?
why can't you just take my word for something.
how would you feel if the shoes were on the other foot
why can't you accuse me of something when you have proof.
well look at the beginning of us
how am i to trust you?
you get me things and take them away
you can't even give me a ring ina good manner
its like her
nothing romantic about it
we have been through this a hundred times, it's not going to change things.
nothing specailt o remember
I told you what I planned to do, but you didn't want that.
that would have been something to remember.
so how would you feel if i gave you a ring and not make it specail?
personally, and thiis is just me, I'm not big on jewelry.
but anything you gave me would be special to me.
regarless of how I got it.
no i did not ask for this, you just went out right before they were closing and came home and said here
no when you want to spend your rest of your life with someone you want it to be nice not just here
doesn't matter to me what it cost the way it was presented was all wrong
that was not fair to me again
first you forced me to tell you at least three of the ways I was planning to do it. You're like, I don't want the bar one, that would be embarrassing.
The other two, why do it if I already told you, where's the special about that?
no but the music on and alone would have been good enough
see you really do not want me
that is what it is
no, that's not it.
but you do not know how to end it
I am really gettting tired of being hurt and feeling unwanted
I'm really tired of fighting and being called a liar and a cheater.
and i think you think if you keep treating me this way i will say goodbye
I dont' see what way I'm treating you.
and that is what you want
no.
you tell me how am i to believe you
you show me no ways
you show mw diceet
you just do it. I say 'this is what happened' and you accept it.
huh?
?mw diceet?
all yeah right like its that easy
yes it is.
no you do not understand
when you lose the trust its hard
I am to take your word
try it. You say 'Chuck, I believe that you don't want' gail'
you never have time for me
not true.
you ruin all my fun
come on
your fun wouldn't have be ruined if you would just have taken my word.
I think honestly the only way i will ever be happy is when i am dead
stop.
I think it will happen soon
honey, please stop.
I really do mean it
please stop this.
I am not just saying this to piss you off its the way i feel
I want to hurt myself
I do not want to continue life
please stop. You don't want to do that. The children need you.
I hate living
We love you.
We need you.
I have no meaning for this world
Yes you do.
I am always getting hiurt and no one cares
not true.
We care.
they think of them selves
no.
I am tried of raising kids and having a miserable life
honey, we need you.
I am tired of feeling like shit
I am tired of not having someone I can trust
you can trust me.
I am tired of being used
you are not used.
I am tired of you hurting me
I do not try to hurt you.
thinking you are alwys right
that I am always wrong
I do not think I'm always right, I just think that I am not always wrong.
when you give me so many reason why not to trust you
Just believe me.
well take this down I am telling you and I mean it with all myheart most likely real soon I will be dead
I have no reason to go on
honey, please stop.
yes you do.
Malcolm Aaron Madison.
my children will be fine my mom will take good care of them
she will give them what I can't
you know that's not the case. Doug willl get them, he won't love them.
he'll pawn them off on everybody.
They will be misreable without you.
I am gonna get a note notorazied that my mom gets them and she can afford a lawyer to fight for them
she willget them becasue Doug is a loser
She doesn't have the standing to bring suit.
all yes she does
Who told you that?
if i leave a note it is standing i check into it before
when we were having problems before i check into it
When one parent is deceased, the other will get automatic custody.
so i know it
you cannot stop me
Only if she can prove that Doug is neglecting or abusing the kids, can she get them.
That would be hard to prove.
if i want to end my life there is nothing you can do
please don't do that.
whatever i know
I am not living for anyone
Why do you want to make your children sad?
unhappy, miserable?
I am not happy and i do not want to contiunue this journey
Please honey, stop talking like this.
I want to find peace and i think if i werre dead i waould be at peace
no you wouldn't.
I hate life
please stop.
I hate everyone
no you don't.
who cares if i would burn in hell thats how i feel now
please stop honey. The children need you.
so what is the difference
If you do that, you may as well walk up to each of them and say 'I don't care about you, I never loved you.'
burning in hell or being miserable and not having what i want
Please stop.
well maybe I will
the kids know what i go through so i think they will understand
How can the kids understand?
i am not strong enough to keep getting shit on and hurt by everyone
I am tired of it
The kids could be 40 and wouldn't understand, let alone 4, 9 and 13.
I do not try to hurt you.
I use to be very stong but not anymore
I would understand if my parents did it
There's a difference.
Your parents never made you feel loved.
You love your children and they know it.
I understand that life is very hard and a big challenge and i am not up for it anymore
Please stop.
well you can think whatever of me I know what i need to do and you can't stop me
no one can
please stop this.
I am in totally control of myself
please stop.
I have so much time when your not here so it will be real easy
please stop. I can't immagine you would hurt your children like this.
when I do this you can keep your ring
I'm starting to cry, I have to go, I'll be back in a few minutes.
no i do not see it hurting them
it would.
I'll be back.
this is what i want and I am gonna do this
whatever but you need to keep your ring
I donot want buried with it
I want to be free
bye
(13:19:11) you there?

Me
(15:18:04) hi honey!
what
did you have lunch?
nope
what about the kids?
didn't eat since yeswterday
they had things
why not?
not eating
not hungry
what's Maddy up to?
don't know
what about the boys?
one in shower other tv I guess
ok.
can you hold on a second, I have to take a ride.
doesn't matter
do what you want
I am no longer standing in your way
what are you talking about?
just saying,no longer a commitment
what are you talking about?
I am not gonna be around to much longer so you can do what yu need tod o
please stop this.
not starting anything
I really have to go, I'll be back.
love you.
I am tired of fighting as well, So I figure if i set you free there will be no more fighting.besides buning in hell sounds like fun
stop this.
I am tired of feeling like crap,being made feeling unwanted and I ask myself why?I have no good answers for myself.Yu are unromantic,un loving,stubborn,not fun,good at making me feel stupid,not ever believing anything that I say
So why?
I don't beleive anything you say?
What is the point?
why do you think that?
no you never do
you think I know nothing
Yes I do.
that's not true.
when I am usually always right
I am not always wrong.
so why even be in a relationship
Most of the time you are
you think your this genius
I am not always wrong.
I do not believe that for a minute
I think you may be average if anything
you don't beleive anything I say, you don't even try.
but if that makes you feel better then go for it
I am tired of trying and giving
I am tired of being the one who is made up as nothing matters
i never said that.
who thinks of themself
not taking other people feelings into account
I do take your feelings into account.
only thertes
not trying to understand where I am coming from
only looking at what you think is right or not
I try, but you need to try to see things from my side too.
not trying to see things on the other side
i didn't break your trust
I never even would think to be so selfish
and inconsidrate
I am not.
even if i wasn't in ove with them
I owuld not treat someone that way
I would think I would not want treated that way so why should I
treat her that way
I would definitely take the other person feelings in to account
I do take your feelings into account.
even if it was something I wasn't sure about
I would be honest from the start and nopt use them for just sex and see what happens
I did not use you.
to see if i would fall in love or not
that was not right
yes you did
from the very beginning
No I didn't.
you could not tell me what you felt,but you could stick your Dick in me
not eat me,just stick your Dick in there
and get your thrill
how do you think that made me feel?
How am I to know what you like if you don't tell me.
did you ever take my feelings into account then?
what girl in there right mind does not lie to be eaten?
Can I tell you how I remember it?
please?
you wanted your Dick suck
I swallow for you
I did everything
Can I tell you?
what did I get from it all
I got a broeken heart several times
yes
you tell me
becasue most likely I will disagree with it
Ok I dont' remember exactly when this happened, but it was before you moved in with me.
We were on the floor, and I rolled you over for 69, you got off pretty quickly, so I thought you didn't like it.
you only ever tired one time at the very beginning and I didn't let you becasue the tv was on and i was very uncomfortable with my body
but you never ever tried it again
so what was I to think
I use to hate myself for letting this happen to me
and I still do
I didn't know why you did it, what was I to think, exactly what I thoought, you didn't like it.
I hate everything about me and my life
I do not want to go through this pain with anyone ever again
I will never let another guy touch me
or see me
I was never hurt so bad in my entire life then what you did to me
Doug and I basically I am not sexually attracted to him and yes he is very controlling but you are jsut as bad as far as hurtin gme
I never controlled you. I never tried to hurt you.
becasue I cannot get over all this hurt
not trusting you
do you want to get over the trust issue?
you sexually not wanting ,me
that's not true.
I can't
do you want to?
there is nothing you can ever do to make me trust you
do you want to trust me?
once its lsot theres no getting it back
you haven't done anything to prove to me that you want me
do you want to trust me?
I do everything for you
see you have no friends
you can't have me fuck behind your back
so you cannot understand where I am coming from
can you please answer one question? Do you want to trust me?
you were never sexually invaded either
I am not sure at this point
Fortunately no. I wish I could change that too.
you were never taken advantage of
you never had parents who really could care less if you are here or not
you have a mom who thinks the world of you
I care whether you're here or not.
you are so so different then me
you hurt me over and over and thinks it is always me
thats nothing is your fault
if you wuldn't ever broken that trust issue with me this wpuld not be happening right now
if you would beleive me once, just once we can change this.
you think becasue you tell me that you love me thats all I need well you are so wrong
you think its all about words
you have no idea what a real relationship even is
how did you feel when Jamie fuck you over and you kept taking her back
thast how I see it now with us
you can keep hurting me and you want me to keep taking you back
But I am not fucking you over, I am not cheating on you, I don't want gail. If youd just accept those simple facts this wouldn't be a problem.
like I am to forget everything that has happen
you ignoring me when we go out
thinking of yourself
I don't ignore you.
what really pisses me off is when I pay for it and you ruin it
I use my hard earned mney so we can have a good time not a bad one\
nothing ever goes my way
I am the one who has to give and give
Things would be better if you wouldn't jump to conclusions.
Iam the one hwo has to forget about things that bothere me
I cannot express myself
I see things you do not
Like what?
I see the way you look at people and I am not stupid
how did you liek it when I was flirting with that guy?
I didn't, but I wouldn't do that to you.
you always say doesn't bother me becasue you trust me
You were just doing it to piss me off.
no you just go up and hug them
I have tried to explain this over and over.
spend time with them
well I donot believe it
I think you are full of shit when you talk
Just believe it. It's true.
I can't
you know Ia sk myself what did i ever do to deserve this miserable life
not having someone who is totally into me
Your life wouldn't be so miserable if you wouldn't concock these crazy ideas about me.
I am into you, but you won't beleive it.
I am getting paid back for something
how am i to believe it when you fuck me over how many times
when we went to that partyt
I do not fuck you over.
you chose Kristit over me
Look, I can't change it.
how many times
fucking me then going into the bathroom with her
do you have any idea how that felt?
how that made me feel?
I have apologized, I can't change it.
calling her chickie
but it was so worng and I cannot forgive you
you made me feel like i was absolutly nothing to you
that's not true.
and i guess really I wasn't nothing to you
that's not true.
you took so many people over me I just wish I had my mind Iwould not have put up with it
Iwould have told you where to go
I was so stupid
why do I put up with it I do not know
seems like all the decision I make are all wrong
we have nothing
you claim you lov eme but you don't
I do.
I would be your highest proirty
you are.
no I am not
yes you are.
you would make more of a effort
I do make an effort.
no you don't all you want is for me to spend all my money on you
no, no no.
I do not want you to spend all your money on me.
I have no problem but it sucks when you ruin my fun time
I did not ruin your fun.
I never get to have a good time
I want you to have a good time
you always ruin it
no I don't.
I can't have friends with you either
yes you can.
becasue you take there sides over me
no I don't
that was not right you spent our money on Harry when we had Aaron and Malcolm to worry about
I told you, I didn't know the kid wanted me to buy him something until I was already at the snack bar.
but you did not htink about them
his mom bought him supper and stuff
why do you need to feed him
do you want to help her out then go ahead
don't worry about me
and my kids
you just like them better
that's not the case at all.
then mine
no I don't.
sure can fool me
you are with Harry more then yu are with Aaron
here you go again, seeing things that aren't there.
no.
at least Aaron isn't as annoying
at least Aaron has respect for people and not walk around looking gay
Aaron would never ask anyone to buy him food like that
yes, I bought the kid a pretzel, so what? I have a hard time saying no.
he has manners
I agree, he shouldn't have asked.
well you shouldn't offered
you should have told him that our kids comes first
I bought Madison an ice cream cone, she finished off both of my iced teas and my fries.
I didn't offer.
excuse her
The music was so loud, I was walking up to the snack bar.
he was saying something, I yelled I can't hear him.
We get where it's quieter, and he's like, can you buy me a pretzel.
yeah well that was his second one
I don't know that.
I am tired of him eating all of my food
me too.
well you should not said yes
you should have told him no
who cares what he thinks
my kids should always come first
doesn't taeka genius to figure that out
It's not like I never do anything with the kids, it's not like I never buy them anything.
yeah if we had more moeny that would have been different
you don't
you don't buy shit
bullshit.
I buy all the food you don't
I buy groceries from time to time. I paid for stuff at wall mart.
you don't take them anywhere unles I am there to buy it
I had to buy an A/C.
well you own this place not me
my name is not on it
why should I but it
yes, but I could live with out A/C for a while.
But I did everything I could to get it as quickly as possible so you'd be comfortable.
yeah becasue your not here as much
well when you chose to own a place thats you responsiblity
I have to go Doug is here
ok.
love you.
I am back he left
ok.
he wanted to borrrow money from me and i told he i did not have becasue i do not
he only wanted 10.00
if i had it i woul dhave given it to him
well that's better than 30, but since he stil owes you like a hundred, he's got nerve.
I do see he is trying to change for me
I know he would never even think about hurting me
when it comes to girls
if he wasn't so controlling and fat
he would might a chance
huh?
no seriously,I mean we never had this problems
he would spend his time with me not anyone but me
he wouldn't think twice
I do spend time with you. And you told me that he would go to the races all the time and leave you alone or he'd make you go to the grocery store with kids, so you could have time alone.
plus he did give up smoking for me before
yeah he did go to the races with his friends,but i di not have to worry about him cheating
I still take the kids tothe store with me
that has not changed
But if you want, I'll watch them.
Or I go with you.
yeah right
I wouldnt' cheat on you.
well that hasn't been proven to me
you have more potiental at that
huh?
you do not seem the faithful type
I think that's one of the things with Doug, you thought he was fat and unattractive, so that's why you had nothing to worry about, right?
you are the type that has a problem being commited
how do you know that?
yeah,but he is really faithful
there was no way he would ever even think about it
becasue he never flirted with girls when i was with him
he never looked at them or nothing
even when we were younger
I don't flirt.
when he wasn't fat
he never talked to them or anyting
he was totally commited
You have nothing to worry about, I would never cheat on you.
I am the type that would and will if I am not happy or stisfied
brb. palmer.
I wouldn't think twice
becasue I know I am cute and I have alot of potiental and I know I can even do better then you.just becasue you are kinda of good in bed doesn't mean I am satisfied
come on honey, give me some credit.
I want a good realtionship where I come first and he trys to make me happy and not keep hurting me after 2 years
I do try to keep you happy.
not chosing others over me
all no you don't
I don't choose others over you.
you do not even have a clue what I need
tell me.
I told you so many times and it does not sink in
there is more bad with us then good
I don't think so.
you are stubborn
you did not purpose the correct way
propose
nothing good with that
I never ask you for anything
I take care of this house get no credit
i mow th elawn
take care of the llaundry
I thank you for cleaning the house, doing laundry, I do the dishes most mornings during the school year.
you are unromantic
you act queer alot of the times
no I don't.
you think of yourself
what you want
never think of me
and my feeling
I do.
no,no
yes.
try to go out and you have to ruin it,becasue you have a instinct for it
huh? no I did not try to ruin it, I did not ruin it.
i think you are th etype i could be away for days and you would care less
not true.
you could have cared less with being with me last night
not true.
you were not happy to be there with me
I was until you got mad at me for no reason.
you had to hang out with her and that stupid cig
instead of me and Madison
no.
I've told you before what happened.
if you can't go swimming without cigs for that short time that is pretty stupid

We are there for four hours or more, I'm bored out of my mind, of course I'm going to smoke. 

What's the big deal?
you know last night when we kissed it wasn;t the same to me
I think you know that feeling is all gone.been hurt so much its like different
and i am not the forgiving type

 I had no idea.

you see, if you would just beleive me that I DON'T WANT GAIL this would go away.
besides when you don't see me for 13 hours don't you think I owuld be more of a priority
I was splitting time with you, Maddy and Aaron, later with Malcolm.
thats why i think you really do not care about me
you're wrong. I do care about you.
well Malcolm could care less about you
if you relly cared you wouldn't piss me off,and ruin my night
I didn't do anythign to piss you off.
you would make me feel important to you
I try to do that.
yes you did
no I didn't.
you just had to kneel behind gail
why couldn't you walk away then?
I have tried to tell you exactly what I did.
why did you have to stay right there?
I did nothing of the sort that you immagined.
ok kneel don get the lighter then walk away?
why didn't you do that?
why not, kneel down, light the lighter and put it back in the shoe?
why did you have to make it appoint to stay right there
why can't I stand someplace with out being accuseed of doing something I wouldn't do?
I just do not and will not understand
it's simple I DON'T WANT GAIL.
becasue of your psdt
read what I wrote.
I DO NOT TRUST YOU
TRY IT.
I DO NOT TRUST GAIL
GAIL IS NOT MY PROBLEM.
I DONOT TRUST YOU TWO TOGETHER
brb, palmer.
YEAH SHE IS OURS
BECASUE OF HER WE ARE NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER
that's your decision.
BECASUE I DO NOT WANT TO BE HER FRIEND ANYMORE AS WELL
That's up to you, I don't care one way or the other if you are friends with gail.
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO GET A FRIEND AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
Yes, I did.
YOU FLIRT WITH HER WHEN WE ARE DRINKING
NO I DIDN'T.
YOU TAK TO HER MORE THEN ME WHEN WE ALL TOGETHER
No I don't.
YOU HUG HER
I AM NOTHING
once, by mistake.
no you are not nothing.
don't tell yourself this stuff. It's not true.
WELL I DO NOT BELEIVE THAT EITHER
Why don't you beleive anythign good about yourself?
YEAH WELL I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU
YOU ARE ALL TALK
That you are beautiful, wonderful woman.
No Im' not.
YEAH RIGHT
IF I WAS ALL THAT I WOULD HAVE A NICE CARING BOYFRIEND WHO WOULDN'T HURT ME
It's true. I'm not the only one to tell you that.
I do not try to hurt you.
WHO WOULD MAKE ME HIS FIRST PRORITY
you are my first priority.
NO I AM NOT
yes you are.
YOU COULD CARE LESS WHEMYOU SEE ME AGAIN
no, that's not true.
YOU COULD CARE LESS IF I WAS HERE WHEN YOU GET HOME
not true.
YOU JUST DON'T CARE YOU SAY YOU DO BUT YOU DON'T
I do care.
I BELEIVE NOTHING YOU TELL ME ANYMORE
ALL ALONG YOU HAD ME FOOLED
Why don't you start.
NEVER
You'll be much happier if you do.
YOU ARE ALL TALK
No.
YOU DONT MEAN ANYTHING TO ME
Oh come on.
WHAT
WHY SHOULD I FIGHT FOR YOU
YOU ARE NOT ALL THAT
Why do you fight with me?
THERE IS NO ONE OUT HTERE FOR ME
I'm here.
BECASUE YOU HURT ME AND THAT WAY YOU KNOW HOW IT FELS
SO
POINT IS
I did not do anything to hurt you.
ALL YES YOU DID
YOU HURT ME SO MANY WAYS
no.
BUT YOU THINK YOU DIDN'T
YOU THINK YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
YOU JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND
I WISH THERE WAS SOMEHOW TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE I FEEL
YOU WOULDN';T LIKE IT
AND YOU WOULDN'T PUT UP WITH IT
No, you're right. I don't I don't see how me standing smoking a cigarette is worth firhging over for 20+ hours.
BECASUE I PAID FOR IT MOST OF IT AND YOU PUT NO EFFORT INTO US HAVING A GOOD TIME
How could I, I was there for 20 minutes and you got mad at me for nothing.
YOU GET ALL STUBBORN
I try to fix it, and you humiliate me.
NO I DIDN'T
YOU WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG AND I TOLD YOU
SO DOES THE TRUTH HURT
'Why don't you go fuck the fat bitch', yelled in a group of peple at me, that's not embarassaing and humiiliating?
THATS HOW I SEE IT
WHY WOULD IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH IF IT WASN'T TRUE
Oh, so you like people to spread lies about you?
SO THEY KNOW HOW GUYS ARE
It's not true, so it won't bother me?
What how are guys?
WELL IF YOU WOULD HAVE PUT ME FIRST THAT WOULDN'T HAPPENED
THIS WOULDN'T BOTHER YOU IF IT WASNT TRUE
You know, if you wouldn't have jumped to conclusions about what I was doing, you wouldn't be mad at em.
bullshit.
How did it feel when Laurie called you a 'bad mom' cause you didn't give Aaron book money?
It wasn't true, it probably hurt more because of it.
WELL IF YOU COULD KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND STOP FLIRTING WITH EVERYONE MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE HTIS AY
I DON'T FLIRT WITH ANYONE.
I guess that guy I was talking to last night, I was flirting with him.
AND MAYBE IF YOU WOULDN'T STOP PUTTING EVERYONE AHEAD OF ME AND MY CHILDREN
WELL MAYBE
I don't put anyone ahead of you.
well maybe?
what?
YES YOU DO
NO I DON'T.
WHO KNOWS ABOUT YOU
HOW MANY TIMES AM I TO GET HURT BY YOU
HOW MANY TIMES AM I TO FORGIVE YOU
How many times are you going to claim I did something I didn't?
WELL IF YOU DIDN'T HUG GAIL THAT NIGHT MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE THIS WAY
MAYBE I WOULDNT THINK THIS WAY
HOW AM I TO BELIEVE YOU
Maybe if you'd listen when I say 'I DON'T WANT GAIL, I THINK SHE'S A FAT HOG' you wouldn't have that problem.
YEAH WELL YOU NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE
I think 'I don't want gail' is sufficient.
YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU LIKE HER AND SHE WAS A NICE PERSON
NO ITS NOT
YOU NEED TOPROVE IT
Just because you're a nice person doesn't mean that you can't be ugly.
You know, I met a guy in the coffee shop today.
WELL YOU NEVER SAID SHE WAS USGLY BEFORE
Really, really nice guy, very friendly.
REALLY?
K
His head was about 2 inches too long up and down for the rest of his face.
SO
I think he may have had dwarfism, and he was in a wheel chair.
SO
WHAT IS YOUR POINT
I think he was probably the least attractive guy, from a woman's stand point I've met in a long while. I still think he was a nice guy.
I DONOT KNOW WHERE YOU AREGOING WITH HTIS
So it's 5:15 and I wanna get home and see my sweetie.
WHATEVER MAKES NO SENSE TO ME
Do you need me to get anything on the way home?
I AM NOT YOUR SWEETIE
YOU HADD YOUR CHANCE
yes you are.
YEAH
I NICE ATTRACTIVE GUY WITH A BRAIN
what do you need me to get.
WHO WANTS ME FOR WHAT I AM
sorry, the only one coming home is this one, bald, fat, and out of shape.
A GUY
DON;T WANT THATONE
HE HAD HIS CHANCE AND LOST IT
BECASUE I DONOT RUST YOU
try it.
NOPE NOT WORTH IT WHY KEEP GETTING HURT THAT WOULD BE DUMB ON MY PART
WHY SHOULD I CNTINUE GETTING HURT BY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT CARE
I do care.
WHO DOES NOT MAKE ME HIS NUMBER ONE
you are my #1
WHO WANTS EVERYTHING BUT ME
not true.
NO WAY NEVER HAVE BEEN NEVER WILL BE
always have been.
YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP I TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I NEDD AND WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR
I try to give it to you.
I AM FULL OF HURT,DISCEET
I'm sorry you feel that way.
NO YOU THINK SAYING I LOVE YOU IS ALL I NEED
I know you can't do with out it.
I NEED FAR MORE
WHAT SEX?
without me saying 'I love you'
I CAN,BECASUE I WILL NOT BE AROUND MUCH LONGER
I MEAN IT
stop.
YOU THINK I AM FULL OF SHIT BUT WE WILL SEE
would you please stop.
BECAUSE I KNOW I SAID IT SO MANY TIMES AND THIS TIME IREALLY MEAN IT
I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR NOTHING
please stop.
MY KIDS WILL BE FINE
SO WE WILL SEE WHO IS TELLING THE TRUTH
NO THEY WON'T
YES THEY WILL
I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF
no
YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
AND IF I AM NOT HAPPY THEY WILL NT BE HAPPY
NOT ANYMORE
I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE I HAVE BEEN
I DO NOT WANT THESE FEELINGS INSIDE ME
i HAVE TO GO. Tell the kids you don't love them. Cause if you do that, it's the truth.
I WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY
I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL LIKE SHIT
OK
I don't want you to feel that way.
BY TH EWAY I DO NOT LOVE YOU EITHER
THEN
if you don't love me, please remember your children.
WELL I DO AND THERE IS NOT CHANGING MY MISERABLE LIFE
if you're mad at me, fine, but love the kids.
I ahve to go.
I WILL BE HAPPY 6 FEET UNDER BURNING UP
no.
JUST REMEMBER THAT
love you. bye
remember that.
ME BURNING IN HELL
(17:21:56) I love you.

(12:09:21) April is no longer idle.
(12:09:39) Me: Hi Honey
April: hi so you are back
Me: Yes.
just got finished cleaning this house
Thank you sweetie.
How did you sleep?
i know where the mice may be coming in there is a big hole in the wall in Malcolm's room
Oh nuts, where?
that floor is gonna need replaced
and like real soon really bad
Ok, can you see the hole?
Where the mice are?
back around the window in the corner
By the tv or the bed?
big hole
where the bed paot is
Ok.
maybe coming in
bed
where the shower wall is
I'm glad you found it.
We'll fix it.
plus when i cleaned Malcolm's room him and dakota had one of my razz and two of the mikes
Oh, what are you going to do about that?
the bottles where on the floor
Is that in addition to the one you found before?
so we need to get that all drank real soon
before he has anyone else here
nothing
just getting rid of all that then they can't do it again
no before i found the lid
I thought you said no more sleep overs?
this time the bottles
I'll work on finishing those off.
Will you help me with that next weekend?
did you do burn off the garfield movie
I talked to quality, they are having the people come at 2:30 and 3:00.
Yes.
I figured some night, we and the kids can watch it.
Madison has a cd with it on
good
Instead of spending $37.00 at regal.
I heard it wasn't very good too.
you are a asshole

Gee whiz, I burned a pirated DVD! Not even a good one!

why?
But the kids would probaly enjoy it.
So what are the kids up to?
you know how i feel about that
like we would ever get to go see it anyways
You wanted to see it with the kids, right?
i would have waited until it came out and rented it
Ok.
I am glad i chnged all the passsowrds that way you cannot get here unless i know

 I'm not allowed access to computers in my own house!

Oh honey.
What's the big deal?
sucks when i have to be that way
I'm the one on the verizon bill, so if anythihng would happen it would come back to me.
but you do whatever you feel like

It's horrible when the slaves don't behave. 

like when were you gonna tell me?
so
thats not the point
So you have nothing to worry about, getting caught by the RIAA.
how many prons do you have that you did not tell me about and i am to trust you?
Huh?
porn
see you keep lower yourself to me everyday
What do you mean?
like I am to trust you
Why not?
you are getting to be worse then Doug
at least with him I had trust
you keep doing things and nt telling me thats not fiar
fair
]how many other ethings do I not know
I don't get it. I'd understand if I went and bought a car, but come on, this is a movie for us and the kids to watch.
you are starting to make me sick
How?
yeah when were you gonna tell me
why do i always have to find out the wrong way
When I thought of it again.
that reallly makes me sick
how cute
How cute what?
so it was that important and you forgot you had it
like maybe when it came out on videio
you are a real ignorant
do things and so call forget you did it
hello anyone in there
No, the last two nights, we've been too busy to watch it and when we had time, Aaron was watching something on TV, so why stir up things with Maddy and Aaron?
you need to stop being a ass and start being mature
How am I not being mature?
see you know how i feel aout things and still do it I do not understand
What's the big deal?
like you do this to totally piss me off
you want me to end this i know it now
No I don't do it to piss me off.
You off.
why do i even bother
becasue you should take my feelings into account but you do not
I always take your feelings into account.
don't even say it no you don't
Yes I do.
you think of yourself
face it
well matts coming and will want the computer
Ok.
no you fucking don't
Yes I do.
you don't fucking care a bit about me or my feelings
Bullshit.
you bullshit
No I do care about you.
\you totally piss me off
and all i do I do not get any credit for
you do things to irritate me
No, everything you do, I thank you for.
nothing ever to make me feel good
I try to do stuff to make you feel good.
you make me feel miserable and i think you get off with it
yeah right
No I don't.
oh well you will know where i will be
What are you talking about?
I am going to the pool dumb ass
Yes, later, like 2:00 right?
starting another fuckin boring day
It doesn't have to be boring.
the story of my life
bored ,bored and bored
Go do something. Take the kids to the park, go for a bike ride.
well it is
like who do i have to spend it with
yeah real fun
I'm sorry I have to work.
like i do not do that already
thats my whole life kids and do things with them
What am I supposed to do?
never anything else
sit round when i do have time to myself
Do you want time to yourself?
yeah whole lot of fun
just like when i was married to Doug I am living that life again
being in debt and not being able to do shit and having the kids all to myself
What do you want me to do.
real fun
plus it raining here anyways
I can't control the weather.
what i want and get is to different things so why even bother
Why don't you watch the garfield movie?
gAil told me long ago that is stupid
so why even waste my time
did i say you did contrl the weather
i do not understand why you are even bothering trying to sell this place
No, but you're telling me that it's raining. Ask me to do something I can do somethingn about.
Because you want someplace away from moochy.
for one you can't afford things now how are you ever gonna be able something else
Someplace bigger.
It'll work out.
If we sell it, we'll take half of what we get and put it towards a security deposit.
well like yeah but when noone gonna rent to you or me
with all the debt
Your credit is way better than you think.
yeah right you can't even afford 527.00 a month let alone somewhere else that is more and you will not find a place less then 600.00 for a nice place
We'll get something. I'll work another job.
plus water bill and so forth
you really need to elize that
We'll get something.
i been there and done that i think i should know
At least if we're renting and we don't like it we can leave after a year.
you never had the experience like I have
you think you know everythng
you are way to opistimistic
i think back in your mind you will go with your mommy and my kids and i will be stuck i think thats what this is all about
I just like to think that things will get better.
No it's not.
your way out
No.
not me I been out there in this world way to long for that
Things will work out.
I am way more knowledge then you
you can't afford your discover card half the time what makes you think if we get a place for more
you can
And why shouldn't we try?
like I bitch now not seeing you how is it gonna be if you were to get another job?
yeah maybe more money but I willnot be happy
Things will work out.
And besides, if we get a newer place, our bills should be lower to take care of sewer and water.
you sell this you willfind out not easy finding a place especially in dover
We'll get something.
And if we don't, we tell the sucker that we're sorry, but we've changed our minds.
I am not gonna be the one who has to be stressed out finding it and all the packing and all the stuff that comes with it
We couldn't get a new place to live, try somewhere else.
can't do that
How long can it take to pack this stuff up?
thats not evena option once he contract is on it its final and that would be totally ignorant
Dad and I moved from Company street to dover in three hours. You and I could do that no problem.
no I am not moving my kids out of dover and that is final
We put in the contract, the sale is contingent upon us finding a new residence.
We don't have to move out of dover.
that is stupid
What I'm saying is it took dad and I three hours to pack, move and unpack our stuff, you and I could do the same thing.
most ignorant thing i heard
Everybody does it.
Except most people think of it from the buyers standpoint.
well I am alot better then your dad and you when it comes to packing I do it right
'I'll buy your place, so long as I can sell mine' is what it basically says.
We just put all the dressers in the truck without unloading them.
We then load everything else that isn't breakable.
Then pack the few things that are, dishes, holiday decorations, the clothes that are in the closet.
whatever
i do not feel like dealing with this
I have enough of other things on my mind
We only have to deal with it if we sell the place.
So whyt worry about it until we do.
well I am giving the computer to Malcolm
Ok.
Love you.
well I guess me and my kids will be out ont he streets
No.
I do not trust you at all
I know you are gonna screw me over
Why are you blowing this out of proportion?
No.
i know you have been using me all this time
No.
becasue IDO NOT TRUST YOU AT ALL
you think of yourself!
Me?
you do things to piss me off and make me have a bad day!
No I don't.
yes you do!
I'm not the one who said yesterday that I was going to screw around with the guy mowing the grass across the street.
how can you say you don't
Then tell me later that you did actually do it, when you didn't.
you do things that i do not approve of and thats ok with you
Like I approve of you saying that stuff?
well maybe I should,.maybe i would feel wanted
I don't understand why you don't feel wanted.
maybe i wouldn't be so bored
You don't have to be bored.
well you never told me beofre all you ever say is that you trsut me si then i think its ok
you could care less what i do you know it
Come on honey, don't do things, or say things to me that if I said to you would piss you off.
I could proably fuck someone else and it wouldn't bother you at all
No, that would bother me alot.
because you always say you triust me
I donot trust you
so that is why it is different
I trust you, because I know you're not going to do that.
I donot understand why?
you trust e
Because, I do.
well then why care if i say it or not
well you can't have everything
How would you like it if I said things that I was going to do, even if I wasn't going to, liek you said to me?
you want me to be understanding why aren't you
thats different becasue you know i do not trust you you trust me
Because you expect me to be understanding of stuff that you wouldn't be understanding of for me.
that is the difference
How is it different that I want to be treated the way you want me to treat you?
thats becasue I do not trust you
you trust me
that makes it right
What makes it right?
becasue I donot trust you and you trust me
so it wouldnt bother you
were it would bother me
you think about it all the time
So because I trust you, and you not me, you can treat me differently that you expect to be treated?
you just won't admit it
you look and think all the time
yes
I 'look and think' all the time? About what?
you just don't admit it
when you ae at work
you flirt and do things that i do not even know
When I'm at work? I don't follow?
I don't flirt and 'do things'.
because you don't have the nerve to tell me
look at girls you check them out
I work. I eat lunch while I work most of the time, and work some more.
No I don't.
you go tot market
you go to lowes
I go to market for like 20 minutes a week.
I only go to lowes when I need something.
you go out to eat with friends
more then you do with me
No I don't I can't afford to do that.
Last time I 'wen't out' to get something to eat was weeks ago.
I am always the least proioirty
No you're not.
I get no credit for buying you your stupid cigs
Yes you do.
i get no credit when i decide to buy gas for your car
Yes you do.
i buy way more groceries then you pay foir you rent here and mort
i pay for your membership
for the pool
I did thank you for that.
I buy the things we need when you can't which is all the time
you do not appreciate it at all
all you do is fuck me over
Yes I do, no I don't.
no you didn't
I help you out mopre then you relize
I know that.
Did I say you didn't?
you put on you pay all this shit and looka t what you make and what i make
go figure
no but this is how I get treated
Still, both of us are spending at least 95% of what we make on household stuff, groceries, electricity, mortgage, gasoline.
you never takemy feelings into account
Yes I do
what do you mean?
you buy things we do not need
parts for the cars
if you don't have it then why do it
And I made sure you have A/C so you are comfortable before I did that.
not like i really like that car anywasy
thats not he point
I know, but I can't get you a new one anytime soon, so I'm trying to make that one a little more the way you like it.
the point is you are the homeowner and that is your responsibility
well don't bother
becasue its just a waste of money for somthing that burns up oil has shity interior
Why not?
straches
like it is anything to be proud of
It runs, it's reliable. Has it ever let you sit?
Did you ever have to have it towed, or jump started?
both of our cars really suck
yes
in the driveway
When?
wouldn't start
proably could have
When?
I don't remember that.
if it wasn; here it owuld have been somewhere else
When did it need to be towed?
the alternator
Or jumpstarted?
One part, cost 79?
Did we have to jump start it then?
I got to go Malcolm wants the puter,so i will stop bothering you
i didn't say that
My jeep, now that's a piece of junk, it needed work all the time.
read the fuckin lines for god sake
I did. I read what you said, but you meant something different than the way I read it.
like i really fucking care about your jeep
like i really fuckin care abut your little pieces of shit you had
It was a piece of shit.
that is all your past
what the fuck do icare
you niger lover
In the 2 years we had the saturn, it needed $79 worth of repair, that's really good.
fucking and eating rotten fucking pussy
plus ioil cost
I don't know why you work yourself up like this.
A quart of oil a month isn't that bad.
you loved it you know you have no regrets like you claim
you would fuck a black girl again you have it in your blood
See, you can't believe anyone, you're always looking for another meaning to what ever was said.
from you yes
well I have to go
Ok, love you, bye
Tell Malcolm I said hi.
yeah right no love from you
Read what I said.
Love you.
bye
no you do not jknow what love is
Yes I do.
just words
nothing more
No.
Not true.
you love ruth the half breed
No.
or Jamie
No.
or Jamie b--- y--------
thats who you want
No.
yeah i know her
yes
No.
you disgust me
How?
yes
No.
yes
No.
you used me like she used you
No I don't.
we may have been chating and yuou do not even know it
why would i tell you
I know you're not. You're just saying that to work on my nerves.
I donot beleive a word you say
You should.
no i know more then you think I got her side
you are full of shit
No I'm not.
you lierd about somuch
No.
she told me
Reall?
Really?
well i know
That's good, so now you know what I said was true.
so i really got to go
no not at all
You have an independent witness to verify it.
Yes you do, if what you said was true.
why would agirl want you when that is how you teat them
do you want to talk to her I have her number
Really? that's good, talk to her and then you'll have another witness.
its from her
No I don't care what her number is.
And it doesn't matter anyway, cause you didn't talk to her, you're just gettin gon my case.
no why can't you accept from hesring it from her
Huh? I don't understand what you wrote.
no i am telling the truth
but Malcolm is having a fit
It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk to her.
And you don't have any contact with her anyway.
got to go
So say hi to Malcolm for me.
Love you, bye
well i think you should maybe you would understand why she did what she did
(13:19:30) bye
(13:19:39) April has gone away.
(13:19:40) It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk to her.

April called me at work today, she wants to know if we can rent a minivan to drive to South Carolina, it'll cost $870.

I say that's far too expensive and uncessary. Driving two cars down and back will only cost $300 in gas. It's not my fault that she allowed her 14 year old to invite his girlfriend on vacation with the family of five when we only have a car that seats five. Strap her to the roof if you want to drive one car.

She called back again, she wants to check out buying one. I don't know how many times I've told her I hate minivans. I just do. They're too danty to be a truck, too poor on gas mileage for a station wagon and I don't want one. I tell her I'll think about it.

I get to the dealer at 6:00. I do not want to be here.

They bring up this 2001 Ford Windstar. I do not want a minivan. We test drive it. I don't like it. I complain that it drives like a shopping cart. I'm hoping I can talk some sense into April before we screw ourselves.

They offer us $2500 for our trade, a 96 Saturn SL 2. It's worth $500 because she got hit in the front and it'll be at least $900 in parts before paint. The payments are $325 a month for 66 months. I try to explain to her that this is a bad deal on a bad vehicle.

She wants it. I'm afraid she'll make a huge scene and ruin the vacation that was "planned" so I just agree.

We switch the plates off the car to the van. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. She takes the kids home. I'm still waiting on paperwork.